


Dream Big/Dream Small

by BeccatheBiscuitBaker



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Art, Artist Connor, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Boarding School, Concerts, Connor is gay as fuck, Connor is sad, Everyone is insecure, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Fusions, GAYYYYYYYY, Gay Connor Murphy, Gifts, I APOLOGIZE, I suck at tagging, Improv songs, Language, M/M, Mentioned Abuse, Music, Musician Evan, Panic Attacks, Random ass shit, Recreational Drug Use, SMOKING DRUGS, Secret Family Members, Secrets, Self Harm, Soulmates, Steven Universe References, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Swearing, This Is STUPID, bathbombs, idek, ill tag as i go - Freeform, im sorry, its confusing, jared is an asshole, powers, slow burn?, some fucked up shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-05-31 13:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15120920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccatheBiscuitBaker/pseuds/BeccatheBiscuitBaker
Summary: When you turn seventeen, you get your dream. Your dream decides your future. You either have powers, or you don’t.Connor isn’t worried about his dream, he knows he won’t get powers.Evan’s freaked about his dream, he has no clue if he will get powers.





	1. Dream

**Dream**

Cynthia was fussing the night before Connor’s birthday. She made sure that he was completely ready, the dreams could get rough. Larry looked smug, he knew what would happen. Zoe ignored him completely, she hated him afterall.

”You ready” Cynthia asked.

”I’m gonna be fine” Connor muttered.

Cynthia and Larry both had blank dreams, thus Connor and Zoe would too. It just made sense. Connor climbed into bed and fell asleep like normal, nothing to worry about.

**•**

Connor saw darkness, like expected. He floated around and enjoyed the quiet. That’s when he saw it. The bright portal. Connor floated over and reached out, he felt the pain in his body and flew completely into the portal. He was ready.

**•**

Connor sat up and looked around. He was alone. Connor climbed out of bed and walked around his room. He felt different. 

Connor opened his window and climbed to the roof. He just had a feeling. Connor got a running start and jumped off the roof. Connor was an inch from the ground when he stopped. Connor couldn’t help but grin.

Connor flew up past the roof and just enjoyed the fun. He floated around, feeling the best he had in years. Connor flew back down to he ground and walked in the house. Cynthia was sitting in the living room.

”Connor” Cynthia called.

”Powers” Connor confirmed.

”That’s great” Cynthia beamed.

”What” Larry blanked.

Larry stormed from the kitchen over to Connor. Larry went to grab his sons wrist, but something happened and Larry went flying backwards. It was like a black cloud was protecting Connor from being beat.

”Get in your room Connor” Cynthia whispered.

Connor nodded and ran to his room. He sat on his bed and stared at his hands. That’s when he noticed his arm. It had a word on it.

_Soulmate_

“Fuck” Connor groaned, grabbing a hoodie.

**•~•**

Evan’s birthday was two weeks later. Heidi had told him how to prepare, even if she wouldn’t be there herself. Evan got ready for bed, but he was too anxious. His mother was a blank, but he never met his father to find out. Evan managed to fall asleep after he covered his face for half an hour.

**•**

Evan floated in the darkness. He liked it, it was peaceful here. Evan just floated around, accepting a blank fate, until he saw the portal. Evan read enough to know what to do. He flew over and reached out, like a greeting. Evan felt the pain in his whole body and forced himself through the portal.

**•**

Evan shot awake and stumbled out of bed. His casted arm being the annoying hunk of junk it was. Evan snuck out the back door and sat in the grass. It felt right. Evan could feel the grass vibrate, he could feel the ground beneath it where the roots were. Evan reached out to the grass. It followed his hand. Evan felt a small smile fill his cheeks.

Heidi was in the kitchen when he came back inside. Evan wrapped her in a hug and showed her his powers. Heidi ruffled his hair before congratulating him and heading to work. It wasn’t as bad as before. Evan wasn’t alone, he had plants all around him. Evan glanced at his left shoulder and frowned.

_Soulmate_

”Goddamnit” Evan muttered.


	2. Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan start school? Yeah. Roommates? Fuck yeah! Jared? Idek...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y’all like my shit, tell me. I’ve got a problem of coming up with ideas in the bathroom while sobbing. I’ll explain later.
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies!

**Wish**

Connor played with what he called his “cloud” while Larry drove him to the school. Cynthia and Zoe were with, he honestly didn’t care. His cloud was that black cloud that protected him from Larry. He learned how to control it while being locked in his room for the summer.

”I’ll sign him in” Larry grumbled, stepping out of the car.

Connor turned his cloud into a ball and had it float over towards Zoe. He laughed as she squeaked in its presence.

“You aren’t supposed to use your powers” Zoe cried. 

“I’m not hurting anyone” Connor mumbled, having his cloud come back. “We both know what happened was an accident.” 

“Please just hold on a little longer” Cynthia begged. “Once you are in the dorm you can mess around.”

Connor snapped his fingers and his cloud vanished. Cynthia gave him a weak smile as Larry got into the car again. They drove over to Connor’s dorm building.

Connor stepped out of the car with Cynthia, she was the only one not scared of him, Larry popped the trunk and Connor grabbed his bag. Cynthia went to grab his second bag that was heavy as shit, but Connor snapped his fingers again and had his cloud carry it for her.

”Lead the way” Connor smiled.

Cynthia smiled back and opened the door for him. They walked up to the third floor and Cynthia found his dorm number, 113. Cynthia unlocked the door and the pair walked in.

”Looks like your roommate isn’t here yet” Cynthia noted. “Guess you get first dibs on a bed.” 

Connor quickly took the bed on the opposite side of the room and had his cloud unpack his things while he turned to Cynthia. He only felt safe around her. 

“Promise to be good” Cynthia whispered. 

“You know it gets hard” Connor muttered, looking down. 

“Try your best for me” Cynthia chuckled. 

“Okay” Connor nodded. 

“I’ll see you for Thanksgiving break” Cynthia smiled. 

“Yeah” Connor sighed.

Cynthia went to give Connor a hug but he stepped back. His cloud was protective of anyone touching him. It almost hurt Zoe a week ago. Cynthia gave a weak smile and turned on her heel. She was at the door when Connor spoke up.

”Mom” Connor called. “I love you.” 

“I love you too honey” Cynthia beamed.

Cynthia waved one last time before walking back down to the car. Connor turned back and chuckled as his cloud went to putting his clothes into the small drawers under the bed. The bed was already covered with Connor’s grey sheets and squishy pillows, his desk had the teens computer plugged in. Connor noted a small bathroom jointed to their room and put all of his things into a drawer. His roommate could have the other.

Connor sat down on his bed as his cloud put his bags under the desk. His cloud came back and Connor let it mess around. His cloud kept poking at Connor’s left arm, Connor remembered the night his soulmate got his dream. Connor’s note had turned red and burned until morning. Then it stayed in its scar state. Connor had been scared to use the connection, but his cloud kept trying to get them to connect.

”I’ll talk to them tonight if I can finally give you a name” Connor caved. “How about...yeah I’ve got nothing. What do you want to be called?” 

His cloud nudged Connor’s arm again. 

“I said I’d talk to them after the name was given” Connor groaned.

Connor took off his hoodie and glanced at the big writing across his arm. His cloud circled part of the word, soul.

”You want to be called Soul” Connor tried.

His cloud flew back and did a circle around the room. 

“Alright then” Connor chuckled. “Soul, how about we figure out how to talk to my soulmate.”

**~•~**

Evan arrived to his dorm in the afternoon. He has packed the bare minimum since he had to take the bus. Evan stopped at the office and got his information before going to his dorm, 113. Evan unlocked the door and walked inside. His roommate was lying on his bed, throwing a black ball up in the air and catching it again. Evan silently went to unpacking until something black went zooming for his stuff. 

“Soul” his roommate cried, pulling on a hoodie. “He doesn’t need help.”

”Umm” Evan blanked, staring as the black cloud turned into a ball shape. “Hi.” 

“Oh, shit sorry” his roommate jumped, coming over to greet Evan. “I’m Connor Murphy.” 

“E-Evan Hansen” Evan smiled. “What is that?”

Evan pointed to the ball. It was floating around Evan’s things. 

“That is Soul” Connor explained. “I don’t know what he is, but I know that he likes to organize shit. If he bothers you, just tell me. He wants to unpack for you.” 

“He can have at it” Evan chuckled.

Soul instantly started unpacking for Evan. Everything was put away in five minutes. Evan thanked soul and sat on his bed. Connor snapped his fingers and Soul vanished. 

“What powers do you have” Connor asked. 

“Plant p-powers” Evan mumbled, pointing to the flower on his desk. “You?” 

“I don’t fucking know” Connor laughed. “I fly, and I’ve got Soul. I don’t get it.” 

“You never researched p-powers” Evan gasped. 

“I thought I was going to be a blank” Connor explained. “Both my parents were.” 

“What you h-have is r-really rare” Evan whispered. “You have assistant p-powers. Soul is an assistant to you. He m-makes your life better. When you have an assistant, y-you get a power along with it. For your c-case, it’s flight. Only four known assistant p-powered people are left, you m-make five. And the others with assistants, their p-parents were blank too.” 

“Cool” Connor nodded. “What happened to your arm?” 

“Oh” Evan jumped. “I, uh, I fell out of a tree.”

”You fell out of a tree” Connor snorted. “That is the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Don’t you have plant powers?”

”Yeah” Evan sighed. “This h-happened before I got my p-powers.” 

“Why hasn’t anyone signed your cast” Connor questioned. 

“I d-don’t have any friends” Evan chuckled. “Social anxiety does that to you.” 

“I’ll sign it” Connor stated. 

“Y-You don’t have to.” 

“Do you have a sharpie?” 

Evan passed a sharpie from his desk to Connor, Connor was careful not to directly touch Evan as he wrote his name in large letters across the cast. Connor put the sharpie down and walked back to his bed. 

“If I touch people directly Soul tries to attack them” Connor explained. “But now we can both pretend to have friends.” 

“We d-don’t have to pretend” Evan rushed. “I already said that I d-don’t have friends. If you want we could...be friends.” 

“You wanna be friends with me” Connor blanked.

”Yes” Evan said quickly. 

“Alright Hansen” Connor nodded. “Let’s be friends.”

**~•~**

Connor was in bed. It was late and Hansen had already went to sleep. Soul nudged him, it was now or never. Connor put his hand on his arm and opened the connection.

_~Hello?_

_•Who is this?_

Connor grinned. His soulmate had answered him!

_~You know what a soulmate is, right?_

_•Yeah, is that what this is?_

_~Yeah, we’re soulmates. We’re you a blank?_

_•No. I’m at a school for powered people._

_~Cool. Look, if you don’t want to share names yet, that’s fine. Just...call me Red._

_•Call me Blue. What school do you go to?_

_~Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters._

_•Me too! What are you doing?_

_~Pretending to sleep for my roommates sake. You?_

_•Same thing. Is this where we try to find each other?_

_~Let’s get to know each other better first. We can just ask each other questions. For starters, are you male or female?_

_•Male. You?_

_~Thank fuck! I’m male and gay as shit._

_•I think I’m bi. I never really explored that. What do you think of your roommate? Just so I know._

_~The dude is shy as fuck, but he seems like a great guy. He...mentioned that he has anxiety._

_•Join the club._

_~Depressed and abused over here!_

_•WHAT?_

_~My dad hates me, but now he’s scared of my powers...so I’ve got that keeping him away._

_•I won’t pry until later. Umm...do you have siblings?_

_~A bitchy sister. You?_

_•Nope. I’m all alone._

It went on for another hour. After that they both agreed to get some sleep for class the next day. Connor knew that Blue was out there, and really close. He hadn’t felt this happy in years. Connor decided to send one last message before going to sleep.

_~I only wish that I knew what you looked like._

_•I wish that too, but that’ll ruin our surprise. G’night Red._

_~Night Blue._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm...I’m an emotional wreck, I try to push happiness into my fics, but if you get some sad shit, it was a bad day.
> 
> In other words, I’m dying inside, like everyone else in the world.
> 
> Love y’all<3


	3. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan has a panic attack, Connor helps him through it.
> 
> And finally Jared!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WRITE FOR NOTES
> 
> PLEASE JUST ENJOY MY LOVELIES!

**Fear**

Evan had been in classes for two weeks now. Everything was going great. He was actually learning what was required by the state and he was learning about his powers. But then he had a day...where there was a test. In. Every. Single. Class. Evan was done. He could handle two, maybe three tests in a day. But all seven of his classes had a test! WHAT THE FUCK?

Evan was about to break. He felt a panic attack growing, his worst fear. Once his final class was done he sprinted back to his dorm room. Evan slammed the door behind him and flopped down on his bed. He was done.

**•~•**

Connor heard the door slam and flinched. Evan usually didn’t slam doors. Connor turned around and saw Evan fully crash into his bed. Something was wrong.

Connor walked crept over to Evan and watched his figure. Connor saw tears running down Evan’s cheeks and saw how his breathing was fucked up. Yeah, something was wrong.

”Evan” Connor called. “Deep breaths man. In six, hold four, out six. C’mon Evan, match my breathing.”

It went on for a good five minutes. Once Evan was breathing normally he went into a frozen state. He just stared at Connor, but he wasn’t seeming him. Connor took the moment to stare back and admire Evan’s features.

Now, did Connor maybe have a tiny little itsy bitsy crush on Evan? Maybe. Could it also be the fact that someone wasn’t scared of Connor and wanted to be his friend? Also plausible. Did it really matter?

Connor noted that Evan had shockingly green eyes. They looked like emralds. Connor admired Evan’s honey blonde hair that he always styled with a swoop. Connor couldn’t help but notice that Evan wore a blue shirt and khakis. It was a cute style, very fitting for Evan.

Evan snapped out of his haze and wrapped Connor in a hug. Connor went to pull back for fear of Soul hurting Evan, but the ball just watched from behind Evan. Connor cautiously hugged Evan back until it was clear that Soul would be fine with it. Connor squeezed back and reveled in the touch. They both needed that hug.

”Thanks” Evan smiled, pulling away.

”No problem” Connor nodded.

Connor wanted to ask what happened, but Evan looked exhausted so Connor walked back to his bed.

”I’ll explain after I take a nap” Evan yawned.

The shorter boy instantly closed his eyes and Connor pondered talking with Blue since he had the time. Connor decided to let Blue make the first interaction for the night and pulled out his sketchbook. Connor chose to draw Evan, since he was the available model.

**~•~**

Evan woke up to his phone buzzing in his pocket. Evan fumbled around for a moment and answered the call.

”Hello” Evan mumbled.

”EVAN HANSEN” Jared cried. “WE NEED TO TALK!”

”Talk about what” Evan yawned.

”We’re you sleeping” Jared asked.

”I had a panic attack” Evan mumbled. “They tire me out. What do you need to talk about so badly?”

”Put in headphones so the roomie don’t hear” Jared smirked.

”How did you know I have a roommate” Evan frowned. “I never told you.”

“That school is known for having roommates” Jared shrugged.

Evan plugged in his headphones and hummed in response to Jared.

”I am very upset with you Evan” Jared sighed.

”Why” Evan snorted.

”Because you just drop the soulmate bomb in a text” Jared muttered. “That’s a huge deal Evan, what did Heidi say?”

”She doesn’t know” Evan mumbled.

”EVAN” Jared cried. “YOU HAVE TO TELL HER!”

”Why” Evan demanded.

”You don’t want Heidi to know you found the person of your dreams” Jared questioned.

”Look” Evan started. “We get along, but we don’t know each other. We haven’t met in person.”

”But you’ve used the connection” Jared asked.

”Almost every day” Evan confirmed.

”Give me the basics” Jared muttered.

Evan waved to Connor and walked out of the room. He went to the roof and sat on a bench.

“Okay” Evan sighed. “I call him Red. He calls me Blue. I know that he’s American, he goes to the same school as me. He has said on multiple occasions that he’s gay, do I need to go on?”

”Why haven’t you met in person if you go to the same school” Jared blanked.

”We wanted to know each other first” Evan explained. “So we don’t judge each other by our looks.”

”Okay Ev” Jared bellowed. “I’ll call later this week, bye!”

”Later” Evan cheered.

Evan hung up his phone and stared at the sky. It was nice up here.

_~Blue!_

Evan flinched before realizing it was the connection. Evan placed a hand on his shoulder to open the connection on his end.

_•Hi Red!_

_~We need new names. I want us to call each other by our middle names._

_•Okay? You first._

_~My middle name is James._

_•My middle name is Lee._

_~That’s my sister’s middle name!_

_•Cool. Are we talking now?_

_~My roommate is out, so yeah._

_•We should choose a date to finally meet. So we can finally see each other._

_~Umm...okay. When? Where?_

_•Thanksgiving? If you’re busy that’s fine, but I’m never with family, and we don’t have school. I figured we could...talk._

_~Slow down Lee. Thanksgiving works fine. Where did you want to meet at?_

_•You choose._

_~The orchard that’s near the school? Around noon?_

_•Sounds great! How was today?_

_~Pretty good. Lots of tests, but it wasn’t that horrible. How about you?_

_•It wasn’t great. I had a test in every class, my anxiety was at an all time high, it sucked James._

_~Yeah...I can imagine. I like having someone understand. You listen to me, it makes things better._

_•Same here. I usually get flustered, but I’m not even talking. It’s a miracle always I don’t stutter around my roommate anymore._

_~Who’s your roommate?_

_•I can’t tell you James, it could blow who I am._

_~Shit! Okay, random question, do you know Connor Murphy._

_•Yeah, he’s in my second class. Why?_

_~Really? What do you think of him? Scary?_

_•Connor seems misunderstood. I don’t think he would be that bad,  just don’t talk to people._

_~How about his roommate, Evan Hansen?_

_•I think he needs to get his life together. I mean, age seventeen and you still can’t answer a question without stuttering. Just don’t talk then! Is it that hard Evan?_

_~Jesus, what do you have against Evan?_

_•I’m sorry. I kinda see myself in Evan, the whole anxiety thing. And I hate myself, so I project onto him a bit._

_~If you ever need me, I’m an arm touch away. Speaking of, where is your mark?_

_•My left shoulder, you?_

_~Across my whole left forearm. Huge ass scar. I hide it by wearing long sleeves._

_•When we meet, wear a t-shirt, unless it’s freezing out, then wear a jacket because it is cold!_

_~Deal! Lee, thanks._

_•For?_

_~For being friends with me. For listening, and I know it’s kinda crazy, but I really care about you._

_•It’s not crazy, I care about you too! Even if we haven’t met yet._

_~AND SOMEDAY I KNOW IT’LL ALL TURN OUT! AND YOU’LL MAKE ME WORK SO WE CAN WORK TO WORK IT OUT! I PROMISE YOU KID, I’LL GIVE SO MUCH MORE THAN I GET! I JUST HAVEN’T MET YOU YET!_

_•You seriously just went there?_

_~You love it!_

_•Jesus fuck...goodnight James._

_~Night Lee!_

Evan stood up and walked back to his dorm room. Connor waited expectantly and handed Evan a poptart to keep him talking as he explained why he had a panic attack.

”Soul let me hug you” Connor noted.

”That was nice of him” Evan smiled.

It went on for awhile. They talked and smacked on poptarts for two hours. Evan almost mentioned James, but remembered the comment from earlier.

”Hey Connor” Evan sighed. “I’ve got something to say.”

”Say it man” Connor grinned. “What’s said here, stays here.”

”I’m bi” Evan stated. “You’re the only one who knows.”

”Evan” Connor sighed. “It’s okay. I’m so gay that I’m surprised my parents don’t know. We can be gay friends together.

”That makes us sound like we’re dating” Evan chuckled.

”How did you discover you’re bi” Connor asked.

”I’ve gotta crush” Evan confessed.

”Holy shit” Connor jumped. “Who?”

”His name is James” Evan explained. “But before that, last year I had a crush on this girl below me. I knew I never had a chance with her. She was perfect, I was a loser, and still am.”

”What was this girls name” Connor asked.

”Zoe” Evan chuckled. “Zoe Murphy.”

”Dude” Connor gasped. “YOU HAD A CRUSH ON MY SISTER!”

”What” Evan blanked.

”You did” Connor smirked. “Brown hair? Blue eyes? Plays guitar in jazz band?”

”Holy shit” Evan croaked. “I had a crush on your sister.”

”I should have hooked you two up” Connor tisked. “We would have already been friends.”

”You don’t like Zoe” Evan frowned. “You said that yourself.”

”I said I ruined her life” Connor corrected. “They’re is a difference.”

”Please explain” Evan begged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATS YOUR FAVORITE VINE, ILL PICK ONE TO MENTION NEXT CHAPTER. 
> 
> LOVE YALL <3


	4. Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big ass explanation of how everything works!
> 
> And maybe some angst and fluff st the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, I’m trying so hard not to have my babies hook up right now. This will officially be the longest burn I have ever wrote. In YTGAS YCNLWO they got together in chapter four. In TBWIF they were together by chapter two. So...I’m like...dying. My brain keeps shouting to make it gay, so I figured I’d try something new that’s kinda gay.
> 
> Enjoy my lovelies!

**Think**

Connor stared out the window. He didn’t mind his class, but they were reviewing what they had learned so far in the year and Connor just spaced out.

He attempted to text Zoe the day prior, saying he was sorry for being an ass and that he wanted to try and be the brother he never was. She didn’t respond, not that Connor blamed her. He was a fucking monster.

”Mr. Murphy” Ms. Grey called.

”Yes ma’am” Connor smiled, shaking out of his train of thought.

”I was asking if you knew the rarest powers out there” Ms. Grey hummed.

”Oh, mine” Connor answered. “Assistant powers. Only five people in the world currently have them.”

”Would you mind coming up and showing the class what assistant powers can do” Ms. Grey asked.

Connor nodded and walked up to her. Connor knew she was telekinetic and telepathic, but he wasn’t scared. Connor snapped his fingers and Soul appeared.

”Please demonstrate” Ms. Grey commanded.

”This is Soul” Connor explained. “He is my assistant. He does a lot of good for me, but he also can be annoying.”

”Can you elaborate on annoying” Ms. Grey continued. “Is he protective? What makes Soul annoying?”

”Honestly” Connor laughed. “If anyone tries to touch me, even my own mom if she attempted to hug me, Soul will push them back.”

”I can demonstrate” Ms. Grey nodded.

The young teacher reached out and went to put a hand on Connor’s shoulder. Soul jumped into action and did his cloud thing. Ms. Grey went flying back but caught herself before she crashed into a wall.

”And as we know” Ms. Grey drawled. “Assistants give another power along with the assistant itself. Connor, what is yours?”

Connor answered by floating back to his seat. Connor snapped his fingers and Soul vanished. Ms. Grey nodded and went back to reviewing.

”Mr. Dillinger” Ms. Grey called. “Explain soulmates.”

”Why” Jake snorted. “Aren’t they practically non existent now?”

”Practically, but not gone” Ms. Grey corrected. “I can confirm that there is a set of soulmates in the room currently, but they have yet to find each other.”

That started a ruckus. Everyone started looking around the room and Connor locked eyes with Evan. The taller boy shrugged and waited for the noise to stop.

”Alright then” Jake sighed. “A soulmate is a very strong bond between two people. No one is sure where they originate from, but we do know that they are crazy rare these days. Anyone can have a soulmate, even a blank. You find out you have a soulmate when you get your dream. It usually shows in a written form along the body. Usually arms and legs. When the other half of the soulmate bond gets their dream, the first half will know. The mark usually burns the night of the dream, and scars over by morning. From there all you have to do is touch the mark and you can talk to your soulmate in your head.”

”Very good” Ms. Grey nodded. “Alright, Ms. Valentine, tell us the probability of blanks and powers.”

”Okay” Chloe beamed. “Anyone can have a powered child, or a blank. It all depends on your family history and genetics. For example, two powered people could have a blank, or a power. And two blanks could have a power or a blank. It’s a random draw of cards, you cannot predict if a child will become powered. It simply isn’t possible.”

”Correct” Mr. Summers, Ms. Grey's assistant and boyfriend, clapped. “Mr. Mell, please tell us how schooling works.”

”Everyone attends regular public or privet school until they’re seventeen” Michael explained. “Once you turn seventeen, if you are a blank, you continue school like normal. If you are a power, you are homeschooled until the next year of school for powered people begins. At these schools we learn things like this and how to control and grow our powers.”

”Very good” both teachers nodded.

”I think we’ve reviewed enough for today” Ms. Grey smiled. “Class is dismissed early.”

Everyone grabbed their things and walked out. Connor waited for Evan and the pair walked back to their dorm.

Connor had a huge problem now. He had a crush on Lee and Evan. Both were amazing people, Connor couldn’t wait until he got to meet Lee, but he still had over a month and a half to go.

”Do I have something on my face” Evan blanked.

Connor didn’t realize he was staring. He blinked and turned his head back to the pavement.

”No” Connor assured. “I just zoned out, sorry.”

”It's okay” Evan mumbled.

Two students, form the look of things Jeremy Heere and Michael Mell, zoomed by the two friends and attempted to tackle each other. Jeremy had the power to change his appearance with a thought, Michael could scream so loud that it could kill someone. Since the two had been friends since they were like six, Michael knew when Jeremy was looking like Jeremy. Apparently it was most of the time.

”C’mon” Connor chuckled, grabbing Evan by his hand. “Let’s get back before they try to wrangle us in.”

Evan nodded and grabbed hold of Connor’s hand. The two ran back to their dorm and sat at their desks. Evan’s phone started playing some really good guitar he had never before ((Good for you, just in case you were wondering)) and Evan stumbled to answer.

”Hello” Evan cheered. “Hey mom...really...oh, I’m so sorry I’ll be down in a minute.”

Evan hung up the phone and stood up. Connor caught his arm on the way out.

”Where are you going” Connor asked.

”I’m getting my cast off today” Evan smiled. “My mom is waiting for me. Do you wanna come?”

”I, uh, sure” Connor chuckled.

The two exited the building and Evan showed Connor to Heidi’s car. Connor climbed into the back seat and saw Heidi break into a grin.

”You must be Connor” Heidi greeted. “I’m Heidi, Evan's mom.”

”Connor Murphy” Connor smiled. “It’s nice to meet you Ms. Hansen.”

The car pulled away and they started the drive to the hospital. Evan picked at his cast, clearly happy to be getting it off. Connor just smiled at the shorter boy and prayed that Heidi wouldn’t notice.

**~•~**

Evan waved his now free hand out he car window as they went rushing by. He was now sitting next to Connor in the back of the car. He felt so much better.

”Stop before you break it again” Connor snorted.

”IM FREE” Evan shouted.

”You weren’t trapped before” Heidi argued.

”Yeah but now I have more freedom” Evan explained. “Am I allowed to stay home for the weekend?”

”Of course” Heidi grinned. “Connor, did you want to spend the weekend here too? I could always drop you off at your house too if you live nearby.”

”I can stay” Connor nodded. “I might have to go to my house in order to grab clothes, but I can stay.”

”Sure thing Connor” Heidi chuckled.

“Can you guys say Colorado” Connor drawled.

”IMMA GIRAFFE” Evan shouted out the window.

The three pulled up to the Hansen house and Evan jumped out. He instantly started climbing the tree in his front yard. Evan looked down and saw Connor and Heidi laughing. Evan saw how one of Connor’s eyes was half brown and how his smile was subtle but perfect and real and ohmygodhehasacrushonConnor.

Evan physically slipped at this new found knowledge but used his powers to catch himself. Evan climbed down and showed Connor into the house.

”It’s small, but it’s home” Evan hummed.

”It's perfect” Connor grinned. “I think it’s great.”

Evan showed Connor to his room and they just talked about friend stuff. Heidi came and gave Evan a hug before she left for class and waved to Connor. The boys moved their conversation to the living room until someone knocked st the door. Evan went to answer and nearly jumped out of his skin, Jared.

”My mom told me to come over since you were home for the weekend” Jared explained. “I still need them to pay for my car insurance.”

”Okay” Evan mumbled, instantly remembering his place in the fucked up friendship. “You are my only friend from elementary school.”

”We aren’t friends Evan” Jared sighed. “We are family friends.”

Jared walked into the living room and acted like he owned the place. Jared was an asshole most of the time, but he had his moments where he was kind.

”Connor Murphy” Jared cried. “Love the new hair length. Very school shooter chic.”

Connor frowned and crossed his arms.

”It was a joke” Jared chuckled, clearly nervous. “Get it?”

”Oh yeah, I think it’s hilarious” Connor deadpanned. “Can’t you tell I’m laughing? Am I laughing hard enough for you?”

”Jesus, take a joke” Jared muttered. “Freak.”

”You think he’s a freak” Evan asked. “Then I’m a freak too. So is your mom Jared, all of us have powers. If anything, you’re the freak. You’re the one who’s too insecure about himself to talk and admit that his only friend is the guy who fell out of a fucking tree. And yes Jared, just like an acorn. So Jared, you’re the fucking freak. Get out of my house.”

Jared backed up slowly and turned to leave. Once Jared wa gone Evan flopped down on the couch and covered his face with his hands. He really just said that.

“How’d you break your arm Evan” Connor  demanded.

”I already told you” Evan sighed.

”Did you fall Evan” Connor whispered. “Or did you let go?”

Evan felt the memory of that day come rushing back. He remembered all the crying, hoping that someone would notice he was gone. He remembered standing on the last branch and letting go. He remembered the guilt he felt when he didn’t even pass out, just the numbness in his arm.

Evan felt Connor’s arms wrap around him and that’s when Evan relized he was crying. Evan hugged back and clung for dear life. Connor rubbed circles into Evan’s back and Evan melted into the touch. He felt safe.

They just sat, hugging. Even after Evan stopped sobbing, they just laid on the couch and hugged. Evan dozed off in Connor’s arms, and could have sworn that the taller boy pressed a kiss into his hair. But that was just wishful thinking on Evan’s part. Evan could think that all he wanted.

**~•~**

Connor had carried Evan to bed. He slept on the couch that night. Connor couldn’t help but crave the shorter boy’s embrace. Evan was warm.

Connor woke up before Evan the next morning and left a note before walking out the door to head to his house. Connor walked inside like normal and plopped down on the couch. He had been gone for a month, he could speak to his family.

”Connor” Zoe squeaked.

”You didn’t answer my text” Connor recalled.

”How do you respond to your brother saying he wants to be friends after years of separation?”

”I’m gonna start with confessions” Connor sighed. “Can we go to your room?”

Zoe nodded and showed her brother up. Connor floated in a sitting position while Zoe sat on her bed, holding a pillow in her arms.

”Confessions” Zoe questioned.

”Okay” Connor shuddered. “First off, I’m gay. Like, crazy gay.”

”Oh” Zoe mumbled.

”Second off” Connor smiled. “I have a huge gay crush on my roommate, and he’s bi, but I can’t like him.”

”Why not” Zoe snorted.

”That leads to my third confession” Connor muttered, landing on the ground.

Connor tore off his hoodie and showed Zoe his left arm. His sister gasped and let out a tiny squeal.

”You have a soulmate” Zoe whispered.

”Yeah” Connor grinned.

”What are they like” Zoe asked.

”He’s great for what I know” Connor answered. “We agreed to meet in person on Thanksgiving.”

”Can I tell you something” Zoe frowned.

“Go for it” Connor beamed.

“I’m bi” Zoe started. “And I’m dating Alana Beck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAY? Or nah? I am physically cringing at the fact they aren’t together yet!


	5. Hi (High)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SmOkInG DrUgS
> 
> That’s the main point of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, but this is what my dream was last night.

**Hi (High?)**

Evan sat in his house, waiting for Connor to return. It had been a few hours. Evan was about to text the other teen when he came walking through the door. He looked like he had been crying.

”Are you okay” Evan gasped.

”Fuck Larry” Connor muttered. “Fuck him and his bullshit!”

”Connor, calm down” Evan called. “Deep breaths. If you start freaking out then I’m gonna start freaking out and then we’ll both be a huge mess.”

”Can we sit outside” Connor asked.

Evan nodded and showed Connor to the backyard. The two sat against a tree in silence. Evan saw Connor pull a lighter and what Evan had to assume was a joint from his pocket.

”What are you doing” Evan asked.

”Getting stoned” Connor answered. “Have you ever been high before Evan?”

”N-No” Evan babbled.

”Wanna try” Connor grinned.

”I don’t-maybe we shouldn’t” Evan blanked.

”Come on Hansen” Connor whined. “One hit.”

”Okay” Evan whispered. “How do you?”

”I’ll go first” Connor interrupted. “Just watch.”

Evan watched Connor light the joint and put it to his lips. Connor breathed in deeply and Evan saw him relax. Connor blew out through his nose and passed the joint to Evan.

Evan attempted to copy Connor’s actions. It was fine until Evan started coughing like he had spikes in his throat. Connor laughed and patted Evan’s back.

”That’s horrible” Evan cried.

“It always hurts the first time” Connor smirked.

”How long does it take to work” Evan questioned.

”I dunno” Connor mumbled. “I usually lose track of time when I’m high.”

Evan nodded and the two sat against the tree. Evan slowly felt the comforting vibrations of the grass turn into a humming inside his brain.

”Connor” Evan grinned. “What the hell is time?”

”I don’t know man” Connor sighed, stomping out the joint. “It’s like...fuck.”

”Yeah” Evan nodded, having the grass grow up a few inches. “I like your eyes.”

”Thanks” Connor smiled. “Can we just, fuck...I hate Larry.”

”W-What happened” Evan asked, lying his head in Connor’s lap.

”He didn’t want me to come home” Connor explained, petting Evan’s hair. “He saw me sitting in my sister’s room talking with her and he flipped his lid. Zoe was all nice and said that I just wanted to talk, which I did, and then he pulled Zoe out of the room by her wrist and I started shouting. Then my mom comes in and she starts crying and Zoe is crying and Larry is screaming at me. I just went into my room, grabbed the joint and flew out the window. Me and Zoe were talking like friends again Evan, it was so nice.”

”That’s good” Evan mumbled.

”I like your eyes too Evan” Connor snorted. “They’re really green.”

“Yeah” Evan nodded, sitting up.

Evan heard footsteps and turned around. Zoe Murphy was walking towards them, how did she know where he lived. Fuck, Evan remembered why he liked the Murphy siblings now.

”Connor” Zoe called. “Did you get Evan high?”

”No” Connor smiled. “He got himself high.”

”Evan” Zoe sighed. “How high are you?”

”I’m five eight” Evan chuckled.

”Jesus” Zoe muttered.

”Did fuck face hurt you” Connor demanded.

”He pulled a little hard, but he didn’t do anything else” Zoe assured.

”This is great” Evan sang. “Both Murphy siblings know where I live. Zoe, I had...the biggest crush on you, like, almost all of high school. You’re great, but I’m just...what?”

”Holy shit you broke Evan Hansen” Zoe snickered.

”Let’s go inside” Connor drawled. “It cold out.”

Evan went to stand but he fell over again. Connor pulled Evan up and the two boys stumbled into the house. Zoe followed behind and watched the two.

”How did you touch Evan” Zoe stared. “You can’t touch people.”

”It only works with evan” Connor explained. “I don’t know why.”

”Oh my lord” Zoe groaned.

”How did you know I was here” Connor asked. “Like, I said my roommate was Evan, but I never told you where he lived.”

”Alana knows all” Zoe stated.

”Alana Beck” Evan cried. “I once asked her out. She told me no because she was gay. I’m okay with it though, I’ve only got one friend.”

”You’re talking about me, right” Connor blanked.

”No, I’m talking about the dude behind you” Evan muttered. “Yes! Obviously you! I threw Jared out yesterday.”

”How do you get people down from being high” Zoe mumbled.

”Food and naps” Connor said.

”I’ll make you two a deal” Zoe sighed. “Both of you take a nap now, and I’ll make you lunch.”

”Okay” Evan hummed, crashing into the couch.

”Fine” Connor muttered, lying on the floor.

**•~•**

Connor woke up feeling much more grounded. Evan was still asleep on the couch. Did he pet Evan’s hair or was that a dream. Connor remembered how soft Evan’s hair was and felt his face heat up, gay thoughts could wait.

Connor stood up and walked into the Hansen’s kitchen. Zoe was at the stove, making something that smelt amazing, while hopping around to her music.

”Hey ZoZo” Connor called.

Zoe turned around and pulled out her ear buds. The girl smiled at her brother and waved him over.

“You haven’t called me that since I was eight” Zoe mumbled.

”I’m trying to be the brother I should have been” Connor shrugged, walking over.

“How are you not blank” Zoe whispered. “All of dad’s family is and so is mom’s.”

”The whole family thing is a myth” Connor explained. “It’s random and has to do with the X-gene on our body. Sometimes it’s active, others it’s not. But it can’t be edited or changed.”

”Oh, wow” Zoe nodded. “Why don’t they teach that at our school?”

”I dunno” Connor yawned, still shaking sleep. “Why won’t Soul let me touch you?”

”Who the fuck is Soul” Zoe snorted.

Connor snapped his fingers and Soul appeared. Zoe froze in the cloud’s presence. Connor saw his sister’s concern and snapped his fingers again.

”I’m never smoking drugs again” Evan cried from the living room.

”SmOkInG DrUgS” Connor laughed.

”Jesus” Zoe whispered.

Connor watched Evan stumble into the kitchen and HOLY SHIT EVAN ROCKS BEDHEAD! Connor blinked and looked back to what Zoe was making. It really smelt amazing.

”What is that” Evan asked. 

“It’s pasta that I simmered in alferdo sauce” Zoe smiled. “Connor used to be obsessed when we were little.”

“Big bad Connor Murphy loves pasta” Evan snorted.

”You just haven’t tried it” Connor smirked.

”Where are the bowls” Zoe asked. “I honestly spent five minutes searching for your pots and pans.”

Evan made a motion with his hand. Connor heard a cabnit door creak open and flipped around. Some ivy had opened the door. Zoe grabbed three bowls and served the roommates before serving herself.

The Murphy siblings watched Evan take his first bite. Connor saw Evan’s eyes light up and he nodded to the siblings. The other two started eating and they fell into a happy silence.

”I’m going to go comb my hair” Evan mumbled, setting his bowl in the sink. “Thank you for lunch Zoe.”

Evan walked away and Zoe turned on her brother. The younger Murphy was going to embrace her brother, but Soul went defensive.

”Stupid cloud” Zoe muttered. “I can see why you like him Con. Some soulmates are platonic with their relationships, it could end up being that way with you two.”

”But I like Lee too” Connor whined. “Fuck, I think I have a type.”

“And this type is” Zoe drawled.

”Shy, anxiety ridden, and short” Connor whispered.

”You know that Lee is short” Zoe snorted.

”I’m six foot two” Connor chimed. “A lot of people are short to me. And Lee said he’s around five foot eight.”

”Get Evan out of your system” Zoe suggested. “Get him high off his ass, confess your feelings, and poof! He won’t remember shit in the morning.”

”I can’t do that to him” Connor groaned.

”Evan, I’m inviting Alana over” Zoe called.

”OKAY” Evan shouted back.

Sure enough, five minutes later Alana was at the Hansen house. Evan returned looking more awake and the four sat in the living room.

”Hey Evan” Alana greeted.

”Hi Alana” Evan smiled.

”Lets play truth or dare” Zoe grinned.

”Okay” Connor smirked. “Alana, truth or dare?”

”Truth” Alana hummed.

”Does my sister excite you sexually” Connor teased.

”Kinda” Alana blushed “We’ve only been dating for two weeks. I haven’t thought of that yet. Evan, truth or dare?”

”Dare” Evan mumbled.

”I dare you to do Connor’s hair” Alana insisted.

”Okay” Evan spoke, moving so he could get to Connor’s hair. “Guess I’ll go full circle with this, Zoe, truth or dare?”

”Truth” Zoe announced.

”What is your biggest fear” Evan asked, running his hands through Connor’s hair to undo some of the tangles.

”I’m scared that I’ll wake up one morning and someone I care about will be gone” Zoe lisped. “Connor truth or dare you idiot.”

”Dare” Connor yawned, trying very hard to not lean into Evan’s touch because DAMN he liked his hair being played with.

”I need a good dare” Zoe cried.

Alana whispered something to Zoe and the other girl perked up. Zoe gave Connor an evil stare.

”Connor” Zoe cackled. “I dare you to kiss someone in the room.”

Connor rolled his eyes and stood up. The Murphy brother walked over to his sister and kissed the top of her head. Connor walked back to Evan and let the shorter boy continue to do his hair.

”I’m gonna grab some hair ties” Evan stated, walking away.

”Why didn’t you kiss Evan” both girls hissed.

”That’s why you did this” Connor groaned. “Jesus, just stop trying to do that. I’d rather wait.”

”Okay, I’m back” Evan sang, carrying a case full of hair shit in it.

”Evan, truth or dare” Connor quipped.

”Truth” Evan responded.

”What's your take on music” Connor yawned. “Do you like it? Explain.”

”I actually write and compose my own songs” Evan smiled. “Jared’s dad owns a recording studio and he lets me use the setup.”

”PLAY ONE” The Murphy siblings cried.

Connor heard Evan chuckle from behind him. Soon Evan sat down his phone so the others could hear. Connor smiled at the soft piano intro.

_•~I’ve learned to slam on the breaks. Before I even turn the key. Before I make the mistake. Before I lead with the worst of me. Give them no reason to stare. No slippin up if you stop away. So I’ve got nothin to share. No I’ve got nothing to say._

_Step out step outta the sun if you keep gettin burned. Step out step outta the sun because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned._

_On the outside always looking in, will I, ever be more than I’ve always been? Cause I’m tap tap tappin on the glass. I’m waving through a window oh I, try to speak but nobody can hear so I, wait around for an answer to appear, while I’m watch watch watchin people pass. I’m waving through a window woah oh. Can anybody see? Is anybody waving back at me?_

_We star with stars in our eyes. We start believing that we belong. But every sun doesn’t rise, and no one tells you where you went wrong._

_Step out step outta the sun if you keep gettin burned. Step out step outta the sun because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned._

_On the outside always lookin in will I, ever be more than I’ve always been? Cause I’m tap tap tappin on the glass. I’m waving through a window oh I, try to speak but nobody can hear so I, wait around for an answer to appear. While I’m watch watch watchin people pass. I’m waving through a window woah oh. Can anybody see? Is anybody waving-_

_When you’re fallin in a forest, and there’s nobody around. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound?_

__When you’re fallin in a forest, and there’s nobody around. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound?_ _

___When you’re fallin in a forest, and there’s nobody around. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound?__ _

____When you’re fallin in a forest, and there’s nobody around. Do you ever really crash or even make a sound?_ _ _ _

____Did I even make a sound? Did I even make a sound? It’s like I never made a sound. Will I ever make a sound?_ _ _ _

____ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I, EVER BE MORE THAN I’VE ALWAYS BEEN? CAUSE I’M TAP TAP TAPPIN ON THE GLASS. I’M WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW OH I, TRY TO SPEAK BUT NOBODY CAN HEAR, SO I WAIT AROUND FOR AN ANSWER TO APPEAR. WHILE I’M WATCH WATCH WATCHIN PASS. I’M WACING THROUGH A WINDOW WOAH OH!_ _ _ _

____Can anybody see? Is anybody waving...back at me?_ _ _ _

____IS ANYBODY WAVING?_ _ _ _

____WAVING! WAVING! WOAH! WOOOOAAAAHHHHH!~•_ _ _ _

Evan took his phone back and Connor felt his heart leave his chest. That amazing voice was Evan’s. The girls were silent too.

”How long ago did you write that” Alana asked.

”I started that one around six months ago. I added in the forest part recently and then composed it, recorded the vocals, and finished” Evan rambled.

”And you’ve made...how many more” Zoe questioned.

”I dunno” Evan shrugged. “At least four. The ringtone Connor heard yesterday was a song. I got my mom to sing, and Jared, and Jared’s aquaintence Laura. It was awesome.”

”Give me the names” Zoe begged. “The song names.”

”Okay” Evan drawled. “The one you heard today was Waving Through a Window. The others are For Forever, Only Us, Words Fail, Good for You, and Requiem.”

”Can you play them” Alana pleaded.

”Only Us has two parts and I refused to sing both” Evan explained. “And Requiem has three parts, so that’s an issue. And I still have to record part of Words Fail. So no.”

”Another time” Zoe tried.

”Sure” Evan nodded. “Another time. Connor, your hair is done.”

Connor stood up and turned so his back faced the girls. He heard them gasp and he checked it with a mirror. His hair looked amazing.

”Evan” Connor cracked. “This is awesome.”

”Thanks” Evan beamed. “I also have a really old song called If I Could Tell Her, it was from back when I had a crush on Zoe. I never recorded anything, but I remember some of the words.”

”Please sing part of it” Zoe pleaded. “Just one part. I need to see how much you tune your voice.”

”Okay” Evan breathed. “It’s gonna be from the middle of the song.”

”DO IT” Alana cried.

”And he wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn’t there” Evan sang. “But he kept it all inside his head. What he saw he left unsaid. If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her how she’s everything to me. But we’re a million worlds apart. And I dunno how I would even start, if I could tell her.”

”You barely tune your voice” Connor whispered.

”Zoe” Alana gasped. “Go get your guitar. Evan should play it for that part.”

Zoe finished in an instant and reappeared just as quickly. She handed the guitar to Evan and let him tune it. Once everything was ready, Evan started strumming and Connor couldn’t help but want the song to be about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy Becca...you have truly lost your mind.
> 
> Also: please ignore the huge part where my italics stopped working while typing up Waving Through a Window. I’m too lazy to fix it.


	6. Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan are excited children. Evan accepts his music role. And Connor is a great friend.
> 
> Or: a short chapter because I want the slowest burn possible for this story and they might get together next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
> 
> Okay, it’ll be past that by the time I post this, but since it’s only eleven o’clock right now I can still say it. Thank you for all the support I’m getting, I’m currently running for my towns royalty and I just got back from working to earn money for the queens tea. My life is finally being more than typing away at my phone for hours until I pass out.
> 
> Thank you all again and enjoy the chapter!

**Wait**

_~Lee, I need a discription if what you look like._

_•James, hell no._

_~BUT BABEEEEE_

_•What..._

_~Look, I kinda fell in love with you. Sue me. We’re fucking soulmates, this should be expected._

_•It’s okay, I’m the same way._

_~I’m excited to meet you._

_•Just one more week!_

_~What if we hate each other?_

_•I don’t think we can. Can you promise me something?_

_~Obviously. You’re my soulmate._

_•No matter who I turn out to be, no matter what I look like._

_~GET ON WITH IT!_

_•Jesus...promise you won’t be upset._

_~I promise. The minute I know it’s you I’ll go over and kiss you._

_•Deal. I have blonde hair, green eyes, pale skin, freckles everywhere, and a pretty square face._

_~I must have a type._

_•What..._

_~Every dude I’ve ever crushed on is short, has anxiety, and is BLONDE!_

_•And here I thought you liked my personality._

_~I liked that first. I have brown hair, blue eyes, I’m lanky as hell, pale as marble, and a what the fuck face._

_•Snow White?_

_~Honey, my lips ain’t that red._

_•We can change that._

_~Holy fuck you kinky little asshat!_

_•Umm...I’m seventeen, what do you expect?_

_~You to be over five foot eight._

_•FUCK YOU!_

_~YOU LOVE ME LEE!_

_•YOU LOVE ME TOO!_

_~Shush! I have a reputation to keep up!_

_•Whatever. Night!_

_~Night!_

Evan rolled so his face was facing the ceiling and tried to sleep. He just couldn’t. He was meeting James in one week! Connor was silent on the other end of the room.

”Connor” Evan called.

”You can’t sleep either” Connor sighed.

”No” Evan muttered. “It feels like just yesterday we started here. Now it’s almost Thanksgiving.”

”You’re Jewish, right” Connor mumbled.

”Yeah. Your point?”

”I got you a present.”

”Why” Evan snorted.

”Cause...you saved my life Evan” Connor whispered.

”How” Evan asked.

”The first day we were here” Connor explained. “I planned on downing a bottle of pills and jumping off the roof. Then you came in and offered to be my friend and everything changed. I threw out the pills, I just...didn’t want to die anymore. Not when I had this little dude who needed to be protected.”

”Were the rumors true” Evan whispered. “About your attempts?”

”I attempted in sophomore year” Connor nodded. “Again in junior. just...everything hurts. All the time Evan. I don’t know how to make it go away, and my parents refuse to get me help. I attempt, go to rehab, come home. Part of me wants them to care. To actually help me. Another says fuck it, I don’t need them, they don’t want me.”

“I know how you feel” Evan assured.

“You haven’t attempted as many times as I have Evan” Connor stated.

”Who said this was a contest” Evan muttered. “Connor, the tree was the first time I went through with the attempt. I’ve had the pills for ages, why not down them? I could cut myself any day of the week, why not now? I’ve stood on the edge of a bridge three times, why didn’t I jump? I chickened out. I was worried that it would cost my mom money. And...if my therapist hadn’t suggested music as a project to keep my head busy...I wouldn’t be here right now.”

”Holy shit” Connor whispered.

”Words Fail is based off of a suicide letter I wrote” Evan sighed. “That’s why I didn’t want Zoe or Alana to hear it back in October. Waving Through a Window is about how alone I feel. For Forever is about a dream I had where everything was okay, and it’s how I got the tree attempt idea. Requiem is about my dad abandoning me. Good For You is about my mom and Jared being pissed for my random vanishing act, meaning ever time I’ve attempted to attempt. If I Could Tell Her is about my hopelessness. Music saved me Connor.”

”Art has kinda done the same for me” Connor nodded.

”Can I write about your dad” Evan asked, flipping on the light. “I wanna see if I can write something about him.”

”He’s obsessed with baseball” Connor muttered, sitting up. “He had this way of breaking in a glove. Shaving cream, rubber bands, I can’t remember it all. Can I give you the present?”

Evan nodded and Connor passed Evan a paper bag. Evan opened the bag and pulled out a tree shaped pillow. It was surprisingly soft.

“This is amazing Connor” Evan exclaimed. “Thank you.”

”No problem” Connor smiled. “You need more on Larry?”

”Just a bit” Evan assured, scribbeling down words.

”Oh god” Connor groaned. “He thought tough parenting was okay. Meaning he hit me. I don’t consider it abuse, it’s like he thought he could literally slap some sense into me...what are you doing Ev?”

”Looking up ways to break in a glove” Evan responded. “I think I’ve got it.”

Evan walked over to his desk and pulled out his guitar. He had it stored away in his closet until October. Evan quickly tuned the instrument and started strumming away.

”It just takes a little patience” Evan hummed, reading his notes. “It takes a little time. A little perseverance, and a little up hill climb. You might not think it’s worth it, you might begin to doubt. But you can’t take any shortcuts, you gotta stick it out. And it’s the hard way, but it’s the right way. The right way...to break in a glove!”

”You came up with that in two minutes” Connor hissed. “What the hell Hansen?”

”That’s probably going to be the chorus” Evan shrugged.

”And How did I understand the metaphor about me being the glove” Connor whispered.

”I dunno Connor” Evan chuckled. “What should it be called?”

”To Break in a Glove” Connor stated. “This’ll be interesting.”

“I’ll be done for now” Evan assured. “We need to sleep for class tomorrow. Midterms are soon.”

”Yeah” Connor sighed. “I can hardly wait for Thanksgiving. I’ll see Zoe, my mom, and unfortunately Larry.”

”Maybe the song will be done and you can show it to him” Evan smiled, flipping off the light. “Night Con!”

”Night Ev” Connor called.

Evan snuggled up to his new pillow and let out a happy sigh. He only had to wait one more week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO TELL ME WHATCHA WANT WHATCHA REALLY REALLY WANT!
> 
> (We all know that Evan and Connor want each other)
> 
> Love y’all<3
> 
> Lol some dude was kinda hitting on my friend Adam and I just kinda watched. My Ace ass was hella confused. WHY THE FUCK DID THEY MAKE OUT WITH HIM?
> 
> (Yes I said they. It’s 2018, get with the program)
> 
> It’s probably the fact that I concider myself unfuckable, and Adam is like, I got condoms for my birthday.
> 
> I’m gonna say it again...
> 
> Love y’all<3


	7. Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehe

**Now**

Evan shot out of bed. It was Thanksgiving. It was finally time. James had agreed with Evan that they wouldn’t use the connection to keep each other from freaking out. It wasn’t working.

Evan had come home for Thanksgiving, but Heidi was working like usual. Evan walked around the room and grabbed the blue sweater he had picked out the night before. It was dark blue and had holes for his thumbs to go through. Evan threw on a pair of khakis before hopping down to the kitchen.

Evan somehow forced himself to eat a piece of toast before running around the house to finish getting ready. When Evan saw that the time only read ten o’clock he flopped down on the couch with his guitar. He was almost done with To Break in a Glove.

If Jared hadn’t been the one driving Evan to the orchard, things never would have happened. They made up a week prior.

•

_”Look Jared” Evan sighed into the phone. “I’m sorry for calling you a freak. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’m sorry about that.”_

_”You were right though” Jared mumbled. “I was a dick to you and Murphy. He’s your roommate now, I’ve gotta deal with that better. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry too.”_

_”We good” Evan asked._

_”Yeah” Jared smiled. “How are things with the soulmate, you’re calling him James now?”_

_”I’m meeting him on Thanksgiving” Evan grinned. “At the orchard near our school.”_

_”Who’s gonna drive you” Jared questioned. “You sure as hell ain’t walking.”_

_”I didn’t think about that” Evan chuckled. “Can you drive me?”_

_”Sure Hansen” Jared nodded. “It’s gonna cost you though.”_

_”I’ll bring a bathbomb” Evan muttered._

_”Lush” Jared cried. “I have standards.”_

_”Fine” Evan sighed. “See ya soon Jared!”_

_”Later acorn” Jared mocked._

•

When Jared honked outside of Evan’s house, Evan rose from his seat and grabbed the bathbomb. Jared never said what he did with all his bathbombs, and Evan never asked, but he knew Jared didn’t take that many baths.

”Hey Ev” Jared called.

”Hi Jared” Evan smiled, handing over the bathbomb. “Let’s go.”

Jared started to drive and Evan felt his anxiety hit him like a wave. This was actually happening.

”Dude” Jared chuckled. “Calm down. James said he would like you no matter what.”

”What if I mess something up” Evan whispered.

”Evan” Jared cried. “The universe literally decided that you were perfect for each other. You. Will. Be. Fine.”

Evan let the words sink in. He would be fine. This was the guy who he had been talking to for months. Everything would be fine.

Jared pulled up at the orchard and let Evan out. Evan took a moment to gather his thoughts before stepping out.

”I’ll be five minutes away” Jared assured. “Text me if needed.”

Jared drove away and Evan hopped over the fence and into the orchard.

**•~•**

Connor woke up to Zoe bursting into his room. Connor snapped up and almost yelled, when he saw that his sister was singing through his dreaser. Why would she do that? Oh yeah, Lee. SHIT! LEE!

”Pit this on” Zoe commanded, tossing her brother an outfit. “It’s cold, you need sleeves.”

Zoe left as quickly as she came and Connor hopped around the room getting dressed. Zoe had picked out a maroon sweater and dark blue jeans. Not bad.

Connor walked into Zoe’s room and the younger sibling nodded in approval.

”I can do your hair as long as I don’t touch your neck” Zoe asked.

”Yeah” Connor nodded. “Like how when we played truth or dare I kissed where the parting in your hair is, so I didn’t touch you.”

Zoe nodded and made Connor sit in her desk chair. Zoe started straightening her brothers hair when Cynthia walked in.

”What are you two doing” Cynthia questioned.

Connor rolled up his sleeve and showed Cynthia the scar. Connor saw the tears well in her eyes, but she smiled big and sat down to watch.

”I’m sorry you didn’t want to tell me” Cynthia sighed.

”I didn’t tell Zoe until October” Connor explained. “I just...I wanna fix things. I thought I would start with Zoe and move forward.”

”I’m so proud of you” Cynthia beamed. “Bring your soulmate over. If they can come that is.”

”I’ll try my best” Connor nodded.

Zoe finished her brother’s hair and quickly filled in his chipped nails. She finished him off by running chapstick over Connor’s lips and shoving him out the door.

Connor finished getting ready and grabbed an orange to eat since they relieve stress. Larry gave Connor a questioning look, but ignored him for the most part.

”Connor, wait” Zoe cried, running down the stairs.

”ZoZo” Connor groaned. “I’m gonna be late.”

Zoe quickly sprayed something at Connor before nodding to him. Connor walked out the door and got into his car. The teen drove to the orchard and hopped over the fence. He was already five minutes late. Connor saw a figure leaning against a tree as he walked closer.

Wait...

”Evan?”

**•~•**

Evan turned at his name being called. Evan did not expect to see Connor Murphy’s walking towards him. How did he know?

“What are you doing here” Evan asked.

”I’m here for a reason” Connor frowned. “You?”

”Waiting for someone” Evan responded.

Evan saw Connor’s eyes widen. The shorter boy was confused. Connor shoved Evan and he backed into the tree, he never seemed abrasive before. Connor bent down to meet Evan’s eye.

”Hey Lee” Connor smirked, before pressing their lips together.

Evan’s brain was dead. Connor was James? What? How? Who? Then Evan remembered that Connor  _freaking_ Murphy was kissing him. Evan kissed back and wrapped his arms around the taller boy.

Connor pulled back and Evan winced. His shoulder was burning like hell. Evan placed a hand on his shoulder and tried rubbing the pain away. Connor rolled up his left sleeve and watched his arm.

The letter were changing. Some were disappearing. After thirty seconds the word had completely changed. It didn’t read “Soulmates” anymore.

_Evan_

And sure enough, Evan’s shoulder had changed too.

_Connor_

Once the burning subsided Connor rolled his sleeve back down. Evan just stared at the taller boy. His hair was straightened, he looked more awake than normal, and he smelt amazing.

”Take a picture” Connor smiled. “Might last longer.”

”You were staring too” Evan protested. “I just...how are you...what the fuck?”

”I don’t know” Connor sighed. “Are you upset that it’s me?”

”Hell no” Evan stated. “I’ve had a crush on you since October.”

“I’ve had a crush on you since I met you” Connor whispered.

Evan smiled at the taller boy and yanked him forward. Connor’s lips fit against Evan’s like a puzzle piece. Evan felt Connor pull the shorter boy close and they just let it happen.

Evan’s phone ringing had the two stepping apart. Evan smiled apologetically and answered Jared’s call.

”Yes” Evan snapped.

”Did you meet lover boy” Jared asked.

”Yeah” Evan smiled. “I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect match.”

”Are you gonna be able to get home” Jared drawled, crunching on something in the background.

“Yeah, I’ll be good” Evan nodded. “Later.”

Evan hung up his phone and put it away. Connor was now pulling out his own phone.

”Zoe” Connor muttered. “What is it?”

”Dad wants you home ASAP” Zoe called. “Bring Lee. Mom wants to meet him.”

“I know” Connor sighed. “Be home soon.”

Connor put his phone away and looked towards Evan.

”My mom kinda wants to meet you” Connor mumbled.

”Okay” Evan smiled. “My mom’s working, I’m not missing anything.”

Evan leaned closer to Connor as they walked. They both hopped, well Connor flew, over the fence and Connor started the drive to the Murphy’s house. Evan felt Connor grab his hand, and Evan happily intertwined their fingers.

**•~•**

Connor was first inside the house. Zoe was waiting for them, of course she was. Evan walked in behind Connor and waved to the Murphy sister.

”Evan is Lee” Zoe blanked.

”It makes total sense to me” Connor smiled. “He was the one who was able to touch me from the start. And his name is scarred into my arm, but whatever.”

”Connor” Cynthia called. “Oh. I didn’t think you’d actually bring him over.”

”I’m trying to get better Mom” Connor sighed. “That means at least trying to do as you ask. Mom, this is Evan Hansen. Evan, this is my mom Cynthia. And you know Zoe already.”

Evan shook Cynthia’s hand before Connor pulled the two teens up to his room. Evan sat awkwardly on the foot of the bed and Zoe lounged in the desk chair.

”Why are you wearing a frilly dress” Connor snorted.

”Dad is making me” Zoe huffed. “I’d rather not, trust me.”

”Change now” Evan suggested. “He won’t start any arguments with me here.”

Zoe nodded and dashed across the hall to her room. Connor plopped down next to Evan and nudged him.

”What’s wrong” Connor asked.

”I have bad anxiety” Evan blurted.

”What’s new” Connor chuckled.

”I don’t wanna mess up around your parents” Evan explained. “I don’t wanna make them think I’m broken because of my stutter.”

”If it seems like too much just tell me Evan” Connor murmured. “I’m one shoulder tap away.”

”Thanks” Evan whispered.

Zoe returned in a crimson sweater and leggings. She looked more like Zoe. The three talked until Cynthia called them down. Larry seemed surprised that Connor’s friend didn’t scream stoner.

”Larry” Connor coughed. “This is Evan Hansen. Evan this is Larry.”

”I-It’s nice t-to meet you s-sir” Evan stuttered.

”You too Evan” Larry nodded. “Has my son been paying you for anything?”

”W-What” Evan laughed. “M-my god no. Connor is m-my roommate at Xavier’s.”

”Seriously Larry” Connor frowned, he wasn’t being loud. “I can’t have a friend? Why is that so hard to believe?”

”You skip class” Larry shrugged. “It’s like you don’t want to learn. Now you’ve got these messed up powers and you could hurt someone.”

”I didn’t try” Connor whispered. “I haven’t skipped class once this year.”

”And you act like a fairy all the time” Larry muttered.

”Larry” Cynthia gasped.

”It’s okay Mom” Connor sighed. “I’m gay Larry, what did you want from me? I’m not going to have a girlfriend, I don’t want one or need one.”

Connor rolled up his sleeve and showed Larry the scar. Larry read the name and glanced over at Evan. Evan showed his shoulder and Larry nodded.

”I’m bisexual” Zoe blurted.

”That’s great honey” Cynthia beamed.

Larry made a face, of course he did.

“How long until lunch Mom” Connor asked.

”Ten minutes or so” Cynthia smiled.

”Mr. Murphy” Evan waved. “Umm, this w-will seem so w-weird, but I write music. I was wondering if you could help me with a song? I’ve got the lyrics with me, I’d just need your vocals.”

”I haven’t sang since high school” Larry chuckled, clearly surprised in Evan’s change of subject. “Sure, why not.”

Zoe ran to grab her guitar and Evan pulled up the lyrics on his phone. Connor watched Evan start a recording for their voices, Connor knew to stay quiet.

”What do the brackets mean” Larry asked.

”Conversation” Evan explained. “We talk in between verses.”

Zoe handed Evan the guitar and a baseball glove, via Connor’s suggestion. Evan handed Larry the glove and started at the guitar.

”That glove is pretty cool” Evan tried.

”Really” Larry blanked.

”Well yeah” Evan chuckled.

”I bought this glove a thousand years ago” Larry hummed. “For some birthday or some Christmas that has come and gone. I though we might play catch or...I don’t know. But he left it in the bag with the tag still on.

Now, with a glove like this you have to break it in first. You can’t catch anything with it that stiff.”

”How do you break it in” Evan asked.

”Well” Larry drawled. “It’s all a process that is really quite precise. A sort of secret method known to very few. So, if you’re in the market for professional advice, well today could be lucky day for you.

It’s saving cream.”

”Shaving cream” Evan blanked.

”Yeah” Larry nodded. “You rub that in for five minutes, tie it all up with rubber bands, put it under your mattress, and sleep on it. And you do that every day for about a week. Consistent.

And though this method isn’t easy, every second that you spend, it’s gonna pay off, it’ll pay off in the end. It just takes a little patience, it takes a little time, a little perseverance, and a little uphill climb. You might not think it’s worth it, you might begin to doubt. But you can’t take any shortcuts, you gotta stick it out.  And it’s the hard way, but it’s the right way. The right way...to break in a glove.

With something like this you’ve gotta be able to put in the work, make the commitment. So, what do you think?”

”I mean, uh, definitely” Evan nodded.

”Some people say just use a microwave” Larry sang. “Or try that run it though hot water technique. Well, they can gloat about the time they saved, till they gotta buy another glove next week.

It just takes a little patience.”

”It takes a little patience” Evan repeated.

”It takes a little time” Larry hummed.

”Takes a little time” Evan echoed.

”A litle perseverance.”

”Perseverance.”

”And a little uphill climb” the two harmonized.

“And it’s the hard way” Larry continued. “But it’s the right way.”

”The right way” The two belted out.

”Cause there’s a right way in everything you do” Larry hummed. “Keep that grit.”

”Keep that grit” Evan repeated.

”Follow through” the two droned on.

“Even when everyone around you thinks you’re crazy” Larry sang. “Even when everyone around you let’s things go. Whether you’re prepping for some test, or you’re miles from some goal. Or you’re just trying to do what’s best...for a kid who’s lost control.

You do the hard thing, cause that’s the right thing. Yeah, that’s the right thing...”

”Connor is really lucky to have a dad who” Evan mumbled. “Who cares so much about taking care of stuff.”

”Shaving cream” Larry stated. “Rubber bands, mattress, repeat. Got that?”

“Got it” Evan nodded.

”It’s the hard way” Larry whispered.

”But it’s the right way” Evan continued.

”The right way” the two sang. “To break in a glove.”

**•**

Evan handed Zoe back her guitar and smiled at Connor. He still couldn’t believe that Connor Murphy was his soulmate. Connor smiled back and Evan let out a small laugh.

_Jared: Who is lover boy? I need the Hot Goss for school!_

_Evan: [image file] ((it’s a picture of Connor))_

_Jared: tf? Murphy? School shooter? He’s it?_

_Evan: [image file] ((it's Connor with the scar of Evan’s name))_

_Jared: Evan Hansen, this is the best gossip ever. Zoe will be the talk of the school._

_Evan: Tell a soul about this and people will find out what you really do with bathbombs._

_Jared: THEY TASTE AMAZING AND MAKE YOUR LIPS HELLA SOFT!_

_Evan: YOU EAT BATHBOMBS?! HOLY HANNAH, JARED WTF?!_

_Jared: Duck! I mean duck! Duck! F U C K!_

_Evan: Not a soul._

Evan put his phone down as Cynthia called for everyone to come into the kitchen. Everyone sat down and Evan tried to calm his nerves as the concersation went to Connor and Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love y’all<3


	8. Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, imma make Connor sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE FORGIVE ME WHEN CONNOR ACTS OUT! MY CHILD DOESNT KNOW HOW TO CONTROL HIS FEELINGS. HE HAS ISSUES!

**Out**

 

”So” Larry drawled. “Where did you and Connor meet?”

”W-We are roommates at Xavier’s” Evan explained.

”Has Connor pulled you into drugs” Larry asked.

”LARRY” Connor cried.

Of course Larry had to do this. He was probably pissed with the fact that Evan Hansen, innocent boy winner of the year, was his soulmate. Connor adored Evan. Why couldn’t he be happy?

”N-No sir” Evan mumbled.

”What do your parents do for a living Evan” Cynthia questioned.

”My mom is a nurse” Evan answered. “She is in school t-to become a lawyer. I-I don’t know what m-my father does, he left w-when I was seven.”

”Oh” Cynthia blinked.

Connor was glad that Cynthia wasn’t pitying Evan, it always hurts more when people pity you.

”Well that explains it” Larry chuckled.

”E-Explains what sir” Evan frowned.

”A whole lot about you Evan” Larry smiled. “The stutter, being gay, everything. You didn’t have a father to teach you what was right and what was wrong.”

”DAD” Zoe cried.

”What the fuck Larry” Connor muttered. “You think being gay, or bi in Evan’s case, is because of bad parenting? Heidi Hansen is the best mom I’ve ever met. She dealt with her husband leaving her for a cocktail waitress. She helps her son by taking him to therapy, which I know some parents failed at doing. How can you be such a dick?”

”We clearly failed as parents if you both are fags” Larry exclaimed.

Zoe ran to her room, fuck this. Cynthia looked heartbroken and Evan seemed scared shitless. Connor stood up, but didn’t leave the table.

”Connor sit down” Cynthia cooed, reaching out to calm him down.

Connor felt everything slow down. Cynthia had brushed Connor’s shoulders and Soul attacked. It only took a second, but it felt like forever. Cynthia was against the wall in an instant.

”GET THE HELL OUT” Larry roared, running over to Cynthia.

”Mom” Connor whispered.

”OUT” Larry cried.

Connor was froze. He didn’t remember how it happened, but in a minute he was in his car with Evan, driving to the Hansen house. Connor felt Evan sitting him down and saying something comforting before leaving the room.

”Is she okay” Connor demanded, calling Zoe.

”She’s fine” Zoe assured. “Soul didn’t hurt her, she just lost her balance. Dad won’t calm down so I think you should stay with Evan for now.”

”Okay” Connor whispered. “Please tell Mom that I’m sorry.”

”Okay” Zoe nodded. “Bye Con!”

Connor put down his phone and felt Evan sit next to him.

”Drink this” Evan demanded, handing Connor a cup.

Connor sipped on the drink and leaned against Evan. He was a monster.

”You didn’t do anything” Evan murmured.

”I love you Evan” Connor mumbled. “Thanks for this.”

”I couldn’t leave you in the dirt” Evan chuckled.

”Is it weird that we’re ignoring the fact of us making anything official” Connor muttered.

”I dunno” Evan mumbled.

”Fuck it” Connor sighed. “Evan Hansen, you wanna go out with me?”

”Sure, why not” Evan chuckled.

Connor pressed his lips to Evan’s and felt the shorter boy melt. Connor could never get tired of that. Connor pulled Evan on top of him and wrapped his arms around Evan’s waist.

”Connor” Evan breathed. “This is a bad idea and you know it. You aren’t in the best mindset right now, please.”

Connor pushed Evan back and buried his head in his hands. Evan was right, it wasn’t a good idea.

”Sorry Ev” Connor groaned.

”It’s okay Connor” Evan assured. “Do you wanna watch a movie?”

Connor nodded and Evan pulled up Netflix. Connor suggested Dr. Strange and they were soon stretched out on the couch. They both dosed off half way through, never seeing the famous “I’ve come to bargain” scene.

**•~•**

”Evan” Heidi’s voice called.

”Yeah” Evan yawned.

Evan sat up and noted that it was dark. Connor was still asleep on the other end of the couch. Heidi was walking into the kitchen with bags in her hands.

”Why didn’t you tell me Connor was coming over” Heidi asked.

”It was kinda last minute” Evan shrugged.

”You’re lucky I grabbed extra” Heidi chuckled, motioning to the bags. “Wake him up please.”

Evan walked back to the living room to wake up his sleeping friend. Connor stirred a bit but smiled when he locked eyes with Evan. The two boys headed back into the kitchen and flipped on the lights.

”Hello Connor” Heidi greeted.

”Hi Heidi” Connor smiled.

”What brings you here” Heidi questioned.

”Evan and I were at my house” Connor explained. “Then my dad kinda kicked me out and we came here.”

”That’s really vague” Evan mumbled.

”He’s right” Heidi nodded. “Please explain.”

”I’ve explained how my assistant works, right” Connor asked. A nod. “Well, my mom kinda touched my shoulder and he attacked. My mom is fine, but my dad screamed at me to get out and I wasn’t all there because I thought I hurt her but Evan pulled me out and we went here.”

”Okay” Heidi sighed. “You are always welcome Connor. How about we all sit down to eat?”

The two teens nodded and they all sat down. Heidi passed around boxes of Chinese food.

“Mom” Evan called.

“Yes it’s kosher Evan” Heidi muttered. “I’m not that clueless.”

Evan nodded and went to eating. Heidi crashed down next to her son and attempted conversation.

”How was your morning Connor” Heidi asked.

”It was mostly my sister dragging me around to get me ready” Connor chuckled. “She was detirmened to make sure I was perfect.”

“What did you need to be perfect for” Heidi questioned.

”I met my soulmate today” Connor grinned.

”I didn’t know you had one” Heidi smiled. “Are they nice?”

“I think he’s great” Connor smirked, nudging Evan.

“Wait” Heidi gasped. “Evan? You have a soulmate? And it’s Connor?”

Evan blushed and pulled his sleeve down. Connor’s name was clear as day. Connor rolled up his own sleeve and Evan’s name was on display.”

“Why didn’t you tell me” Heidi squeaked.

”You weren’t really home” Evan shrugged. “We weren’t even talking until school started. We didn’t know we were each other’s soulmate until today, I didn’t want to get you excited over nothing.”

”Evan” Heidi whispered. “I’m always here. I know I’m busy a lot, but I’m there if you need me. Okay?”

”Okay” Evan sighed.

Dinner continued like normal after that and Evan felt...better. His mom knew about Connor, hell, he knew about Connor. For the first time in ages things felt great.

“Alright” Heidi muttered. “I’ve got class, I’ll be back later. Be safe boys, I don’t need either of you sick.”

”MOM” Evan cried, watching Heidi run out the door.

Connor laughed from behind Evan and he felt the taller boy pulling him into a hug.

“Your mom is awesome” Connor chuckled.

“Sure” Evan sighed.

”So” Connor drawled. “Do I stay here? Are we going back to my place?”

”Do you want to go home” Evan asked. “Will your dad get mad? I really don’t want you getting in trouble.”

“I think I’ll go home” Connor hummed into Evan’s hair. “And if it’s still a mess, I’ll come back. Deal?”

”Deal” Evan nodded.

Connor planted a kiss to Evan’s cheek before walking out the door. Did today actually happen? Evan walked up to his room and called Jared.

”Hey acorn” Jared greeted. “How’s the boyfriend?”

”Well” Evan smiled. “It’s a long story.”

”I’ve got all night Evan” Jared assured.

**•~•**

Connor parked his car in the driveway and walked into the house. Cynthia was in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. Connor walked into the room to apologize.

”I’m so sorry Mom” Connor whispered.

”It’s not your fault baby” Cynthia assured. “Did you eat dinner?”

”The Hansen’s let me join them” Connor nodded. “I’m still at fault.”

”I touched your shoulder” Cynthia protested. “Besides, I wasn’t hurt.”

Connor went to reply, but someone knocked at the door. Cynthia went to answer with Connor following behind. Connor was taken aback at the sight of his schools headmaster, Charles Xavier.

”Hello professer” Connor greeted.

”Hello Connor” Charles smiled. “Mrs. Murphy. May I come in?”

Cynthia welcomed the man into the house and called for Larry. When Connor’s father came down the stairs, he seemed surprised as well.

“What brings you here professor” Connor asked.

”Mr. and Mrs. Murphy” Charles started. “You all know about your sons extrodinary powers, correct?”

”Extrodinary is one word for it” Larry mumbled.

”Since Connor has such rare powers” Charles drawled. “I’m offering him a chance to be part of a program at the school called X-Train. I take time to help the students in the program learn to grow and control their abilities. It’s like a one on one class. I only take in a few students every semester. And everything would be after school, like an extra curricular if you will.”

”I think that sounds wonderful” Cynthia nodded.

”If it helps him control the cloud better, then he should do it” Larry nodded.

”Splendid” Charles grinned. “Connor, you will meet with me in my office after classes on Monday when we start up again.”

”Of course professor” Connor nodded.

”Thank you for your time Mr. and Mrs. Murphy” Charles said. “Have a good night. Oh, and Connor, congratulations on finding Mr. Hansen.”

Professor Xavier left in a rush and Connor closed the door. Connor ran up to his room before Larry could yell at him and went to text Evan.

**Connor: Professor X came by.**

**Ev: What did he want?**

**Connor: he is putting me into an extra class, so I can control the cloud better.**

**Ev: That’s good, right?**

**Connor: idek. I’ll see u tomorrow?**

**Ev: Definetly. Night!**

**Connor: Night Ev❤️ <3**

**Ev: CHEESY HEART!❤️ <3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m too lazy to write notes so I’ll end it off like I always do.
> 
> Love y’all<3


	9. Gleam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are back at school!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm including a link to a picture of a drawing I drew for 4H. I don't expect anyone to like it, but...I wanna share it. And yes, it's Dear Evan Hansen themed.

**Gleam**

_**[•The Shitty Art™•](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/beccathebiscuitbaker) ** _

Evan was working on his letter after school the first day back. He had taken a break since he was usually at school and not therapy, but Heidi had scheduled an appointment for the next weekend. Evan just had troubles being honest in his letters, but he would try.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is going to be a good day, and here's why:_

_Today I'm back at school, I actually like learning and the teachers here are nice. I have to admit that my powers have gotten easier to control and they have gotten stronger. It helps that I'm not worried about getting lost anymore._

_Oh yeah, there's Connor. He helped me through a lot when school started. And now it turns out that we're dating. It's still a crazy concept at heart. Me, in a relationship with anyone? Wow!_

_My anxiety is still there, it always will be. And if I'm being honest I stopped taking my meds because they didn't work. It was like I just swallowed the pills in hopes that if I believed the enough, they would work. I've done the tests, there isn't difference from when I take them and when I dont._

_Sincerely,_

_Me_

Evan saved the document and closed his laptop. Evan felt a bit of frustration in his connection with Connor. They now passed a bit of emotions through the bond, whether they wanted to or not, but they could send them purposely. Evan sent some calming feelings over before letting go of his shoulder.

Evan decided to go down to the quad to visit Christine. Christine Canigula was in Evan's biochemistry class and they were partners in the lab. Christine had the power to project her voice in any way possible. She usually stayed with her group of friends from her school that she went to the year prior.

 "Hey Evan" Christine called when he saw him.

 "Hey" Evan smiled.

 "Evan" Brooke Lohst hummed. "You grow plants, right?"

 "Yeah" Evan nodded.

"Can you grow one for me" Brooke begged.

Evan nodded and dug in his messenger bag to pull out a package of rose seeds. Evan grabbed a single seed and dropped it into the ground before putting the package away. Evan made the seed grow and soon he had a perfect rose in front of him. Brooke picked the flower and thanked Evan.

 "I c-checked your bio homework" Evan mumbled, handing the paper back. "You only got the last p-problem wrong. The answer is on page 66 in the b-book."

 "Thanks Evan" Christine beamed.

_~Where are you? I really need a hug. Please._

Evan walked away from Christine and her friends and rushed back to his dorm. Evan walked into his room and located Connor face down in his pillows. Evan walked over and rubbed circles into the taller boy's back.

Connor sat up and Evan saw his puffy eyes. He had been crying. Evan wrapped his arms around Connor and whispered nothing's into his ear. Connor returned the hug and sobbed into Evan's shoulder.

 "It's okay" Evan soothed. "I'm right here. Let it out. I love you. You're beautiful. It'll be okay."

 "Thanks" Connor sniffed, pulling back from the hug. "Sorry I broke down."

 "It's okay" Evan murmured. "Even tough guy Murphy has to let it out sometimes. Can I ask what happened?"

 "So, X-Train is difficult as fuck" Connor chuckled. "And I was already mad, but I kept telling myself that I just had to get through so I could come back here and rant. But on my way back Larry called and basically said that I'm not allowed to come home for Christmas."

 "I'm sure he didn't say that" Evan frowned.

 "He said that if Soul wasn't completely under control that he didn't want me to come home" Connor assured. "I think he's trying to hide that I'm a power from our family."

Evan pulled Connor in for another hug. Sometimes Evan couldn't find a reason too like Mr. Murphy. Connor pulled back from the hug and pressed a kiss to Evan's brow.

 "He can't keep you away" Evan whispered. "Your mom would totally fight him."

 "I could just poke his cheek and let Soul do the rest" Connor chuckled, snapping his fingers.

Soul appeared and flew around the room. Evan laughed and leaned into Connor's side. Connor snapped his fingers again and the cloud vanished.

 "Ugh, what would I do without you" Connor sighed.

 "Not be the gleaming boy that you are" Evan smiled.

 "I don't gleam" Connor snorted. "I glow."

 "Tangled reference" Evan recalled.

 "Maybe" Connor squeaked.

 "Next time we're home we are doing a Disney marothon" Evan announced.

 "Deal" Connor mumbled. "I think I'm gonna head to bed Ev."

 "Okay Con" Evan sighed. "Love you."

 "Love you too Ev" Connor murmured, planting a kiss on Evan's cheek.

**•~•**

Connor woke up before his alarm. He turned off the horrid warning and escaped to grab breakfast for him and Evan. Some students were loitering around, but only a handful were up that early. Connor flew down to the many breakfast vendors across the campus. Connor grabbed some donut holes for Evan and a breakfast sandwich for himself. Connor also stopped and grabbed coffee and yes while he was out.

Connor managed to make it back before Evan woke up. Connor set Evan's breakfast on his boyfriends desk and sat down with his own food on his bed. Evan's alarm went off at 6:30 right on the dot. The anxious boy sat up and silenced it.

 "Hey babe" Connor hummed.

 "Morning Con" Evan yawned. "D-Did you get me breakfast?"

 "Sure did" Connor hummed, sipping on his coffee.

 "Thanks" Evan smiled. "What do I owe you?"

"Cuddle with me while you eat and we're good" Connor assured.

Evan made a face but got out of bed. The anxious teen grabbed his breakfast and curled up next to Connor as he munched on the donuts. Connor wrapped an arm around Evan's shoulder and drank his coffee.

The rest of the morning was rushing around to get ready for class. They had separate first classes so Evan split off from Connor and ran to class while Connor walked in for his power history class. Ms. Storm was the teacher. Everyone was hunched around a computer screen.

 "The government is now calling the group of people mutants" a reporter announced. "Researchers are now looking for a cure for the X-Gene. So far,  no other information has been released."

 "So they can fix us" Rich Goranski mumbled.

 "No" Ms. Storm assured. "How can they fix what isn't broken?"

 "Just because something isn't broken doesn't mean it can't be improved" Michael mumbled.

 "I think this should be today's discussion" Ms. Storm sighed. "So, let's debate. Are we broken? Or are we perfect?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love y'all<3


	10. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruh...we have actual plot development.

**Anger**

Evan could sense Connor’s anger again. He was working with Professer X again that day, so Evan just sent another set of calming feeling before blocking off Connor. He had to focus.

Brooke Lohst had asked him to help her practice her lines for the school play. Evan was going to question why _he_ would help her, but he needed more friends. That was just a fact. 

“Evan” Brooke beamed. “Thanks for helping me out. Everyone else that’s in the play was busy.” 

“No problem Brooke” Evan smiled. “I hate asking, but what are your powers again?” 

“I can sense other people’s worst fear” Brooke explained. “Your worst fear is being forgotten.” 

“If that ain’t the truth I don’t know what is” Evan chuckled. “How about we get to work?” 

“Sure” Brooke giggled.

**•~•**

Saying that Connor was mad was an understatement. He was vivid. Professor X kept pushing Connor for things he wasn’t ready for. 

“Connor” Charles called. “It’s easier to focus if you get out of your head.” 

“Yes sir” Connor muttered. 

“Now” Charles boomed. “Try again.”

Connor summoned Soul and walked over to his teacher. The goal was to have Connor make contact without hurting himself, since Charles was forcing Soul’s attack onto himself.

Connor reached out and felt himself flying back again. Connor was about to burst. He was furious. 

“We’ve been at this for hours sir” Connor groaned. “Maybe we should stop for today.” 

“Connor” Charles sighed. “Pushing yourself is the only way to learn how to control-” 

“I’m done for today sir” Connor whispered. “Thank you for your time.”

Connor left the room in a rush and burst out to the field. It was honestly just a huge patch of grass separating the school buildings from the dorms. Connor started power walking back across the field to his dorm. 

“Hey Murphy” Jake Dillinger shouted. “Where you off to Hot Topic?” 

“Wow” Connor scoffed. “Hot Topic? So original. Like I haven’t heard that one tons of times in the past.” 

“Where you heading to tall guy” Jake smirked, reaching out to put a hand on Connor’s shoulder. 

“Don’t touch me” Connor hissed, whipping around.

Soul almost grazed Jake. Jake stepped back with fear in his eyes. 

“Get your pet under control Murphy” Jake cried. 

Soul was out of control. He was growing at an alarming rate. He was huge. Triple the height of Connor and just as wide. Connor had never seen that before. The sky got dark way to quickly for normal. 

“Run” Connor yelled.

And then Soul devoured Connor into darkness.

•~•

Evan felt the wave of anger hit him like a truck. He and Brooke had stopped practicing and were just talking. 

“Look Evan” Brooke smiled. “I wanted to know if you would like to-” 

“Mr. Hansen” Mr. Summers called. “Come with me.”

Evan waved to Brooke and dashed over to his teacher. Mr. Summers pulled Evan out to the front field. A huge black cloud was out in the field. Professor Xavier was standing about ten feet away with Ms. Grey. 

“Excuse my language, but what the hell is that” Evan yelled. 

“That is Connor” Charles explained. “I made a mistake. He doesn’t have assistant powers. He has what is called an extra. Another living being inside of him trying to take over. They are so similar that it’s easy to mistake them for one another. That’s why no one could touch him, the extra was trying to keep Connor alone.”

A scream came from inside the cloud and Evan felt the fear hit him in the face. Students were starting to gather around. 

“Scott” Ms. Grey cried. “Help me keep gather up the children in their dorms. They ahould t be near this.” 

“And I should be” Evan muttered. 

“You’re the only one who can communicate with Connor from out here” Scott explained, running off. 

“The extra is blocking my communication” Charles added. “The reason the extra didn’t hurt you is because you’re Connor's soulmate. The only thing we can do is attempt to calm Connor down. Anger feeds the extra. It had to be away from you to insure that Connor would only focus on his anger.” 

“Okay” Evan nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder.

**•~•**

“They all hate you Connor” Soul growled. “You’re a monster. Everyone fears you. Just let me take over, I’ll make them adore you.”

Soul had a human like form surrounding him in the darkness. Connor felt something sharp run across his cheek but he didn’t care. He was so cold now that it was numb.

Connor felt each blow that Soul took at him. Connor only screamed when something touched his left arm, Evan’s name was burning on his skin. Evan probably hated him now, making him fear things, forcing him into a relationship way too quickly. Connor was a fuck up.

_•Connor? Hey, I can tell you’re scared. I really need you to calm down. Please, just stop being angry. It’s the only way to make it stop._

_~I’m a freak! Stop wasting your time. I’m a waste of space and oxygen._

_•The cloud is making you think that. You don’t get how amazing I think you are. Think about your mom, Zoe, me, anyone. We love you. You aren’t a waste._

_~Tell that to Larry. He’s the one who keeps trying to get rid of me._

_•Who cares about how one person thinks? People will always judge, but the ones who love you are all that matter. No one deserves to be forgotten._

_~He won’t let me go._

_•Fight it. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for me. Do it for someone you love. They don’t want you to give up.  I don’t either. I’ve heard losing a soulmate isn’t the best thing in the world and I really love you so losing you would probably kill me._

_~I’ll try. For us, yeah?_

_•Of course you dope. Get rid of him for us._

”Let me go” Connor grunted. 

“I can make all the pain go away Connor” Soul chuckled, dragging a claw against his chest. “You won’t be alone anymore. I’ll make everyone love you. You won’t be a freak, you won’t be unsure, you won’t be left out ever again.” 

“LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING CLOUD” Connor screamed. “I DONT NEED YOUR OFFERS! IM FINE THE WAY I AM! GO THE FUCK AWAY!”

Soul vanished from sight and Connor started to fall. When did he get in the air? Connor caught himself and floated to the ground. Connor felt Evan’s arms around him in an instant. Connor squeezed back and felt tears streaming down his face. 

“What happened to your face” Evan sniffed, pulling back from the hug. 

“I don’t remember” Connor whispered. 

“Come along boys” Charles commanded. “We have things to discuss. And we need that cut cleaned.”

Connor leaned on Evan a bit as they walked. He felt so tired. Evan kept his worried eyes fixed on Connor the whole time.

Ms. Storm handed Evan a first aid kit the moment they were inside Professor Xaviors office. Connor thanked her and let Evan play nurse.

Connor winced at the alcohol pad being pressed to his face but stayed quiet. The gash on Connor’s face wasn’t that bad, but it needed stitches near his jaw. Evan wasn’t qualified to give someone stitches so Connor watched Evan fuss over how pale Connor was while an actual nurse stitched his face. 

“When is anybody gonna tell me what happened out there” Connor asked, watching the nurse retreat. “And how did that nurse just touch me? No one can.”

“When your parents arrive I’ll explain” Charles sighed. “Evan already knows most of it, but I feel that we should wait for them. People can touch you now Connor, I’d just accept that for now. I’ll give you two some time alone.”

The moment Professor X was gone Evan had his lips against Connor’s. Connor felt Evan pepper his face with kissed but he kept his eyes closed. He was exhausted. 

“I love you” Evan breathed. “I really do. I love you so much it hurts.” 

“We are soulmates Ev” Connor mumbled. “Fuck, I’m tired.” 

“Just hold on a bit longer” Evan whispered.

The two sat in silence while they waited. Professor Xavier came back into the room with Cynthia and Zoe in a tow. No Larry, but that wasn’t a surprise. Connor attempted to smile, but his face hurt from being cut so it was only the right side of his face that showed the grin. 

“Oh my goodness” Cynthia gasped. “Are you okay.” 

Connor stood up and embraced his mom. He hadn’t done that in months. Cynthia gasped before hugging back. Zoe got a hug from her brother before everyone sat down. 

“It’s good to see you again Evan” Cynthia smiled. 

“You too Mrs. Murphy” Evan grinned. 

“Alright Mrs. Murphy” Charles sighed. “Allow me to explain.”

Connor listened to what really happened to him. Cynthia squeezed his hand lightly in reassurance. 

“Now that the extra doesn’t have a cover” Charles continued. “It doesn’t see a need to hide anymore. It’s allowing people to surround Connor again. But for now, it lives inside him still.” 

“And the only way to keep him safe is to keep Connor from getting angry” Cynthia asked. 

“The extra can be removed” Charles assured. “Evan, you can remove it.” 

“How can Evan remove it” Zoe asked. 

“You two assumed that you have a regular soulmate bond, correct” Charles questioned. 

“Yeah” Connor nodded, glancing to Evan. “Why wouldn’t we?” 

“Have you ever wondered why you share emotions” Charles prodded. 

“I assumed it was normal” Evan shrugged. 

“You two have what is called a life bond” Charles explained. “Your souls don’t just bond, they intertwine. Being without one another could physically hurt you. Granted being apart means a good mileage away for long periods of time, but you get the point. Your scars, have you ever tried pressing them together?” 

“Yep, I’ve totally just pressed my forearm against Evan’s shoulder” Connor scoffed. “No, why would we?” 

“Try it later” Charles smiled. “If Evan can get hold of the extra he can destroy it. He’s the only one it won’t attack. It’s as simple as that.” 

“So we can get rid of it right now” Connor gasped.

“No” Charles frowned. “It could be painful. I’ll get everything prepared for it in the time being. For now, I think you both should take the rest of the week off and go home to rest.” 

“We just got back from break two weeks ago” Evan protested. 

“I’ll have your studies brought to your homes” Charles said. “But you should go. I can tell it’s tiring you both, everything that’s happened today. Connor I am truly sorry for pushing you.” 

“But if you hadn’t it still would have happened eventually” Connor sighed. “Just probably at a worse moment. It’s fine, I’ll be okay.”

**•~•**

Evan felt very awkward sitting in the back of the Murphy’s car. Heidi was working so he had to ask them to take him home. Connor was sitting next to him, but he was so terrified by possibly ruining something in their nice car that he just stayed still. 

“Is this the right house” Cynthia asked. 

“Yeah” Evan nodded. “T-Thank you Mrs. Murphy.” 

Evan waved to Zoe and quickly hugged Connor before getting out. Evan walked up the steps to the house and let himself in. Once he was inside, the Murphy’s drove away. 

Evan crashed down on his bed the moment he was in his room. He was scared for Connor. What if that thing came back? Evan shook that thought from his head and called Jared. 

“What’s up Ev” Jared hummed. 

“I’m gonna be home for the rest of the week” Evan stated. “I just got back to my house. So if you wanted to hang out or something we could do that.” 

“I’ll come over tomorrow after school” Jared assured. “Why are you home?” 

“It’s a long story” Evan sighed. 

“Oh hey, my mom is getting out of the hospital this weekend” Jared beamed. “Do you wanna come with to come get her? Me and Mama will be going on Saturday?” 

“That’s great Jared” Evan smiled. “I’ll come with if my mom doesn’t plan anything, which I am 99.9% sure she didn’t.” 

“Great” Jared sighed. “I’ve gotta go Ev, see ya later!” 

“Bye” Evan called. 

Evan wandered down to the kitchen and was surprised to see his mother at the stove. Evan tapped her shoulder and she turned around. 

“Evan” Heidi gasped. “What are you doing here? Not that I don’t love seeing you, but you should be at school.” 

Evan proceeded to explain what happened that day with Connor and the life bond and how Professor Xavier lpractically made them take the week off. 

“Another term for life bonds are eternal bonds” Heidi murmured. “They can’t be broken, unlike normal bonds where you can break them off. I’m happy for you honey. Wanna eat dinner then watch Netflix and eat ice cream?” 

“When don’t I want to do that” Evan chuckled. “Oh, Mrs. Kleinman is getting out of the hospital on Saturday. Jared asked me to come with to get her with his mom.” 

“Of course you can go” Heidi sighed. “That’s very sweet of you. Now shoo, I’ll call when dinner is ready.” 

Heidi planted a kiss on Evan’s head before pushing him out of the kitchen. When Evan’s phone buzzed and he didn’t recognize the number he decided to answer anyway. 

“Hello” Evan hummed. 

“Hi Evan” Brooke’s voice called. “It’s Brooke. Christine gave me your number. Look, I’m sorry about Mr. Summers interrupting us earlier. And then we were sent to our dorms. I was going to ask you something.” 

“What’s up” Evan questioned. 

“Did you want to go out with me” Brooke asked. 

“I’d love to Brooke” Evan started. “But, I have a soulmate. And he’s pretty great.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know” Brooke babbled. “Who is it?” 

“Youll have to find out” Evan chuckled. “Thanks for calling Brooke.” 

“No problem Evan” Brooke assured. “Bye!” 

“Later” Evan called. 

Well that was awkward. Evan trotted up to his room to read when he heard a clicking on his window. Evan glanced up and saw Connor floating outside his window. Evan opened the glass and Connor flew in. 

“Connor why are you here” Evan smiled. 

“My mom asked me to get out of the house while she explains things Larry” Connor shrugged. “So I thought I’d pop by here quickly before heading back.” 

Evan rolled his eyes and wrapped Connor in a hug. Evan felt Connor swaying them around the room. Evan pulled back from the hug so he could kiss Connor.

Connor instantly had one hand cupping Evan’s cheek and one at Evan’s waist. Evan ran his hands through Connor’s long hair and attempted to pull him closer. Connor broke the kiss when his phone buzzed. 

“It’s safe to come back now” Connor chuckled. “Love you Evan.” 

“I love you too Con” Evan murmured. “Be careful of your stitches.” 

Connor nodded and flew back out the window. Evan closed the window and walked back downstairs to join Heidi. Maybe he did need the time off, just to remind himself that everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I was listening to Only Us when I thought up this chapter.
> 
> Love y’all<3


	11. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if this has plot or if it’s a filler. I think it has plot....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr and Instagram: @beccathebiscuitbaker
> 
> Ask me shit about fan fiction and give me ideas for future chapters.

**Secret**

Connor flew in through his window. Apparently Larry knew that Connor would be back home for the rest of the week now. Connor decided to head down and see if dinner was still out for him. Larry was standing in the dining room when Connor skidded into the room. 

Connor thought of everything he could have said or done to Larry in that moment. He could call his father out for not getting him the help he needs, he could have dragged Larry by the arm and flew out of the house with him to drop him in a lake, he could do so much. But he didn’t. 

Connor stepped forward and held out his hand. Larry accepted the hand shake with a puzzled face. 

“I’m royally fucked” Connor stated. “I should at least try to get along with you.” 

“I should have listened to you instead of it being a shouting match” Larry said. “I’m sorry for not being the father I should have been. You didn’t ask for this to happen to you, you didn’t ask for a lot of things, but...” 

“But sometimes shit happens” Connor finished. 

“Sometimes shit happens” Larry nodded. 

Connor walked through the doorway to the kitchen and grabbed a slice of lasagna that was left out. It tasted like shit cause it was vegan, but whatever. It was probably healthier than what they serve at the school. 

Connor cleaned up after he ate and could hear Zoe playing piano in the basement. Connor decided to dash down to watch her. Of course Zoe decided to stop the moment Connor showed up. 

“I was gonna watch” Connor explained. “It’s easier to listen when you’re in the same room.” 

“I was just practicing” Zoe mumbled. “The idiot I was partnered with dropped out so I had to change my plan.” 

“Jazz band tried to work with the choir again” Connor sighed. 

“Yep” Zoe frowned. “And then of course I was paired with a freshman who was scared of me. If I don’t turn in a project I’m done.” 

“Does the kid have to be involved” Connor asked. “Because if he dropped out, and you do the work, then shouldn’t you get the good grade?” 

“I guess” Zoe shrugged. “But I need vocals.” 

“What song” Connor asked. 

“Broadway, Here I Come” Zoe stated. 

“I can ask Evan to come over tomorrow and get him to help you” Connor offered. 

“That’s great, but I’d like it if you sang” Zoe mumbled. “We used to go to dance practice and we’d sing in the car on the way home. Remember that?” 

“I don’t sing anymore” Connor stated. 

“You’d sing if Evan asked you” Zoe noted. 

“You’re not Evan” Connor smirked. “And no, I wouldn’t. I sound like nails on a chalkboard.” 

“I refuse to believe that” Zoe smirked. “Do you think that we can all hang out tomorrow? Alana, me, you, Evan?”

”I’ll ask” Connor hummed, rolling up his sleeve. 

_~Ev?_

_•Are you okay? What’s wrong?_

_~I’m fine. Zoe wants to know if you can hang out tomorrow. Lana is coming over too._

_•I’d love to, but I’m hanging out with Jared tomorrow._

_~Okay. What are you doing while the losers are at school?_

_•I don’t know. Wanna come over? I’m probably gonna work on music...but if you want we can hang out._

_~And what does hanging out include?_

_•We’re probably gonna make out on my couch aren’t we?_

_~Probably. I’ll come over around eleven o’clock. That okay?_

_•Sure! I love you! Be safe please!_

_~Love you too Hansen._

“Evan’s hanging out with Kleinman tomorrow” Connor announced. 

Zoe was looking at her phone. Connor flicked her shoulder and she looked up. 

“It was the freshman” Zoe explained. “He’s back in. That’s fine, Alana can still come over.” 

Connor and Zoe walked up to their rooms and Connor spent some time on his homework before heading to sleep. It had been a really tiring day after all. 

**•~•**

Evan put down his guitar when Connor’s car pulled up. The shorter boy tumbled down the stairs and met his boyfriend at the door. 

“Hi” Evan beamed. 

“Hey beautiful” Connor hummed, stepping into the house. 

Evan ignored his heated face and pulled Connor over to the couch and snuggled against him. Connor went to petting Evan’s hair while Evan squeezed him tight. 

“You okay” Connor asked. 

“Had a bad dream” Evan sighed. “Couldn’t get back to sleep after. My mom went to work around two in the morning, so there’s no telling when she’ll be home.” 

“Nap time” Connor questioned. 

“Please” Evan mumbled. 

**•**

”Evan, get up” Heidi called. 

Evan flinched awake and stared at his mother. Connor was still asleep under him. Heidi looked like a mess. 

“Con, wake up” Evan mumbled, poking his face. 

Connor opened his eyes and sat up, causing Evan to slide off of him and onto the floor. 

“Sorry” Connor yawned. 

The two stood up and found a pacing Heidi in the kitchen. They had only been asleep for an hour. 

“Mom...” 

“Your father contacted me” Heidi cried. “After almost eighteen years he contacts me. Ev...he’s coming here. Today. And I’m terrified.” 

“He’s coming here” Evan whispered. “That asshole who abandoned you the day you told him you were pregnant? That guy?” 

“Honey...” 

“Mom, I get it” Evan assured. “You’re scared he’s gonna woo me with whatever his life is and convince me to leave you. That won’t happen.” 

Heidi gave a watery smile and crashed into Evan’s arms. Evan hugged his mom tight as Connor watched from the door. 

“I don’t know much about him either” Heidi warned. “I didn’t even know if he was a power or not.” 

“I don’t care who he is” Evan said. “He didn’t raise me, you did.” 

Evan heard a knock on the door and looked to Heidi. The mother wiped her eyes before walking over and opening the door. 

“Heidi” a man greeted. “It’s good to see you again.” 

“Sure it is” Heidi drawled. “How’s it been Alex?” 

“I’m not the guy I was” the man-Alex- assured. “Is...are they...” 

“Evan” Heidi called. “This is your father Alex Crowe. Alex, this is Evan. Your son.” 

Evan greeted the man that was his father and went to staring at his feet. 

“The other one” Alex pointed. “You had another kid.” 

“No” Heidi chuckled. “This is Connor Murphy, Evan’s soulmate.” 

“Hello Mr. Crowe” Connor greeted. 

“Okay” Alex laughed. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet my son Taylor, he’ll be turning seventeen tomorrow.” 

Alex stepped aside and another boy who looked an awful lot like Evan stepped forward. Evan stared at his brother and grabbed Connor’s hand. This was scary. 

“You had to have had known about Taylor when I told you about Evan” Heidi protested. 

“I did” Alex nodded. “But things were going downhill for us as it was, I knew Maria was the one for me and I decided to leave before things got more complicated for everyone.” 

“Where is Maria” Heidi asked. “She didn’t want to see her stepson?” 

“Maria died of cancer when Taylor was three” Alex mumbled. 

“Oh my god” Heidi gasped. “I’m so sorry. Please, come in.” 

Taylor and Alex stepped into the house and Evan tried hi best not to back away. He really didn’t like this. 

“It’s nice to meet you Taylor” Heidi greeted. 

“You too Ms. Hansen” Taylor smiled. 

“Ev” Heidi called. “Why don’t you take Taylor upstairs and talk with him. I’ll handle Alex.” 

Evan nodded and showed Taylor up the stairs. Evan felt awkward having his brother he never knew about just sitting in his desk chair while he and Connor watched him. 

“What’s it like” Taylor asked. “The dreams?” 

“It’s hard to explain” Connor sighed. “You can’t really describe the feeling, but you’re just at peace. You aren’t too warm or too cold and it’s just...peaceful.” 

“And you two are soulmates” Taylor questioned. “I never read up on them because of how rare they are. What’s it like.” 

“We couldn’t tell you” Evan chuckled. “Soulmates are one thing, but eternal bonds are completely different.” 

“You have eternal bonds” Taylor gasped. 

The boys nodded in unison. Taylor went through his soulmate questions and the two had to show the marks that had started fading to a lighter scar at this point. 

“I think I should let you two talk” Connor hummed. “I’ll see you later Ev. Have fun with the secret brother.”

“Bye Con” Evan waved. 

Connor opened the window and flew out, leaving Evan to close it again. Evan sat down across from Taylor again and looked at his brother. 

“You never met our dad” Taylor asked. 

“No” Evan mumbled. “My mom was married for a few years to a man that...he was awful. It still hurt when he left though. I thought it was my fault. I didn’t even know our dads name.” 

“He doesn’t have powers” Taylor said. “My mum though...she had the power to make anyone feel comforted. It was useful with a kid. She just...made things better.” 

“My mom is a blank” Evan stated. “Uh...What’s your favorite color?” 

“Red” Taylor chuckled. “I’m assuming that it’s blue?” 

Evan nodded and glanced at his blue walls. Taylor and Evan shared stories for the next couple of hours. They just tried to get along. Evan felt a protective connection grow over his younger brother.

They looked a bit alike. Taylor had mocha colored hair compared to Evan’s honey blond head. They had the same nose, same face shape, but Taylor looked like he spent more time inside compared to Evan. Evan noted Taylor’s pale blue, almost grey eyes and compared them to his own bright green. Taylor was probably around five foot five or six, but he was definitely shorter than Evan. Taylor clearly had a more modern fashion sense if his regular t-shirts and jeans were to compare to Evan’s polos and khakis. But if you looked at the two side by side, you could tell that they were brothers. 

The boys walked back downstairs and found their parents chatting over coffee. Evan went to speak up but the doorbell rang. Evan looked through the peephole and opened the door for Jared. The shorter teen stepped in and shrugged off his jacket. 

“Hey Evan” Jared greeted. “Ready to get your ass handed to you in Smash...who’s that?” 

Evan turned and waved Taylor over. Taylor almost seemed shy, and so did Jared. 

“Jared” Evan hummed. “This is my brother Taylor. Taylor, this is Jared Kleinman.” 

“I...it’s nice to meet you” Taylor smiled, holding out his hand. 

“The honor is mine” Jared grinned, accepting the handshake. 

Okay...where did that come from? 

“Evan, what’s going on” Heidi asked, walking into the room with Alex. “Oh, hey Jared! How are you sweetheart?” 

“I’m fantastic Heidi” Jared assured. “Who’s that?” 

“This is Evan’s father Alex” Heidi explained. “He decided to finally visit. You boys ready to go to the Murphy’s?” 

“Huh” Evan blanked. 

“I need to meet your soulmates family Evan” Heidi chuckled. “Cynthia contacted me and we decided to have a little get together tonight. Enjoy the last week of mildly pleasant weather. Jared’s coming too.” 

“What about...” Evan trailed off, pointing to his father and making a hand gesture towards his brother. 

“I’ll tell Cynthia that I’m bringing two more people than planned” Heidi sighed. “Alex has the right to meet Connor’s family too.” 

Evan looked to his father and suddenly felt angry. This man abandoned his mother and decided to show up nealy eighteen years later. 

“But- He! I just. Why?” 

“You can be mad at me Evan” Alex sighed. “I messed up, just let it out now. All I ask is that you don’t be mad at Taylor, he didn’t ask for this and neither did you. Can you three clear out for this?” 

Heidi, Taylor, and Jared walked out of the room and Evan contemplated even trying. 

“Let it out” Alex commanded. “If you bottle it up you’ll explode at the wrong time.” 

Like Connor did... 

“You left my mom when she needed you most” Evan growled. “You didn’t even contact her after. She couldn’t afford me. I cost her everything because you left. My mom tried to move on and couldn’t! You didn’t want me! MY MOM MARRIED AN ASSHOLE WHO ABUSED ME BECAUSE YOU WERENT THERE! EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY IF YOU HAD AT LEAST STAYED IN CONTACT! I GREW UP WITHOUT A DAD BECAUSE YOU DIDNT BOTHER TO COME AND VISIT! NOW YOU SHOW UP AND EXPECT EVERYTHING TO BE FORGOTTEN WHEN MY MOM WOULD HAVE GAVE YOU ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY! SHE GAVE YOU HER LOVE AND YOU REFUSED IT!” 

Evan wanted to continue but Connor had forced him to calm down from their connection. Evan placed a hand to his shoulder to talk to Connor quickly while he calmed down fully.

_• Thanks._

_~ Talk to me when you get here. Love you._

_• Love you too._

“I’m sorry” Evan whispered. “That went too far.” 

“I deserve it” Alex smiled sadly. “I know it doesn’t help, but I’m sorry.” 

Alex held out his arms and Evan was confused. Then it hit him. A hug. Evan walked over and hugged his father. Alex held Evan tight and rubbed his hand down Evan’s back like Heidi did when they hugged. They both pulled back and Alex squeezed Evan’s shoulder before stepping away. Heidi poked her head in and had the others walk into the room. 

“Ready to go” Heidi asked. 

Evan nodded and the five left the house. Taylor and Evan piled into Jared’s car with him while the parents followed behind. Evan just hoped things wouldn’t go too badly with his parents and Connor’s. Especially after what happened when Evan met them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me why you think Taylor and Alex were named how they are.


	12. Itchy

Lets just say...Connor and Evan were fighting.

“CAN IT NOT BE ABOUT YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES?” 

“WHEN IS IT EVER ABOUT ME? YOU AND YOUR FUCKING EXTRA EVERY SINGLE DAY? IM TIRED OF IT!” 

“YOU AND YOUR ANXIETY! YOU THINK THATS ANY BETTER THEN THE CREATURE THAT LIVES INSIDE ME?” 

“I DIDNT ASK FOR ANXIETY!” 

“I DIDNT ASK FOR AN EXTRA! GOD! YOURE THE WORST SOULMATE EVER!” 

“AT LEAST IM NOT A STONER!” 

“WHO GIVES A SHIT? NO ONE WOULD WANT TO BE SOULMATES WITH SOMEONE BROKEN LIKE YOU!” 

Connor knew that was a low blow, even in this situation. Evan went to step forward, obviously trying to make peace, and Connor’s reflexes took over before he could process. Connor’s fist collided with Evan’s jaw and the shorter boy stumbled back. 

“FUCK YOU CONNOR! ASSHOLE!” 

Evan ran out of Connor’s room and the taller of the two didn’t go after him. Connor had to calm down, and he knew how to do it. The teen stumbled into his bathroom and grabbed the razor. Nothing deep, just a few to release the tension. 

**•~•**

Evan tore down the snowy streets. Jared’s house was closer than his own. Evan burst through the front door of his friends home, thankful that the Kleinmans weren’t around. Evan followed the familliar path to Jared’s room and paused to check if the door was locked. It wasn’t. 

“Jared” Evan called, frowning at how wobbly it sounded. “Can I come in?” 

“Gimme a second” Jared yelled back. 

Evan started to shake as he waited. He was on the verge of a panic attack. Jared threw open the door and Evan walked in. 

“You’re bloody” Jared noted, pointing to Evan’s face. 

“What happened” another voice asked. 

Evan looked up and met eyes with his brother. The two had grown close quickly over the past few weeks, especially since Taylor ended up with powers and had been touring the school while Evan was in class. Basically Taylor could control light and create it. 

“I...Connor punched me” Evan mumbled. 

“What the fuck” the boys cried. 

“We were fighting” Evan whispered. “We both said some nasty shit. It...how bad is it?” 

“Looks like you busted your lip pretty bad” Jared tsked. “And there’s a cut on your jaw. Other than a bruise you’ll be okay.” 

“Connor’s ring must have hit me” Evan groaned, walking into Jared’s bathroom to wash the blood off. “Taylor, what are you doing here?” 

“I’m...friends with Jared” Taylor explained. “We were playing Mario Kart.” 

Evan looked at the small flatscreen in Jared’s room and nodded at the paused game. 

“Cool” Evan nodded, walking back out. “Taylor, I’m going with you and Alex on the trip.” 

“I thought you wanted to spend break with your mom and Connor” Jared blanked. 

“I’m not talking to Connor right now, and when do I ever spend time with mom?” 

“How bad did it get” Taylor sighed. “You hate being on someone’s bad side.” 

“He told me that no one would want to be soulmates with someone broken like me.” 

Jared started pacing the floor and Taylor played with some lights on his fingertips. 

“I’ll fucking murder him” Jared announced. 

“Don’t” Evan groaned. “He’s an asshole, but he doesn’t deserve death.” 

“How do you feel” Taylor asked. 

“My soulmate basically told me that he didn’t want me as a soulmate” Evan deadpanned. “I’m fucking steller!” 

“Let’s get you guys home” Jared sighed. “You’re dad is gonna get you, right Taylor?” 

“Yeah” Taylor nodded. “I’ll just tell him to go to Evan’s house. Thanks Jared.” 

Evan was wrapped in a hug from Jared, which hadn’t happened since middle school. The three walked out to Jared’s car and he drove the brothers back to Heidi’s house. 

**•~•**

Connor enjoyed the light sting coming from his wrists. It grounded him. He looked out his window and watched the snow fall, he had nearly forgotten about Christmas break.

“You really think that could stop me?” 

“Get out of my head” Connor whispered. 

Connor felt something looking at him. Connor whipped his head around and the extra was there. 

“You made your soulmate hate you Connor. Just let me in and it’ll all go away.” 

Connor booked it out of his room and went to run down the stairs, he was going so fast that he tripped and fell down the last three steps. 

“Connor” Larry called, helping his son up. “What’s the rush?” 

“Let me go” Connor sobbed, trying to yank his arms free. “Lemme go you gotta let me go. Larry let go!” 

“Honey what’s wrong” Cynthia cooed. 

Connor felt the extra grab him before being slammed into the floor, swung over the extras shoulder. 

“CALL PROFESSOR XAVIER” Larry cried, pushing Cynthia out of the room. 

Connor felt his body be thrown around the room, constantly hitting the wall or floor. 

“GIve up you stUPid cHIld!” 

“No!” 

“Let me make it better!” 

“FUCK OFF!” 

Connor felt one of the hands, he couldn’t tell which one was which wit all the spinning the room was doing, grab him by the neck and drag his body off the ground. He was being choked. 

“Give up.” 

“I would rather die” Connor spat, gasping for air. “You fucking parasite.” 

“THE ONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU THE MOST HATES YOU CONNOR! I CAN MAKE IT BETTER!” 

“You’re really stupid” Larry chuckled, Connor had forgotten he was there. 

“How so?” 

“Connor is your source of life” Larry shrugged. “You’re choking him. Since you haven’t won yet, if he passes out, you go back to your cage.” 

“Point Murphy” Connor choked out. 

Connor let his life go blank and could feel the extra disappear. He fell to the floor and knew he’d get help. Someone would be there. 

**•**

Connor groaned loudly when he opened his eyes. He could feel someone holding his hand, but he wasn’t sure who it was. 

“Connor?” 

“Hey Mom” Connor whispered. “Sorry about...that.” 

“You didn’t cause it” Cynthia shushed. “You’re dad and Zoe went to get lunch, they’ll be back.” 

“I kinda did cause it” Connor frowned, giving his mother a look. “How long was I out?” 

“Two days. Professor Xavier wanted to assure you were rested. How did you cause it honey?” 

“I...” 

Connors mind went back to the fight with Evan. They had been hanging out at his house after they left school. Zoe was at band, his parents out of the house. Connor made some comment that made Evan upset and it escalated from there. Evan hated him now, and he had the right to. 

“Connor?” 

“Me and Evan fought” Connor whispered. “I...I said mean things to him, he just...and I...I punched him Mom. I hurt him.” 

“Every couple fights Con” Cynthia shushed. “Hitting isn’t okay, but everyone fights.” 

“Soulmates aren’t supposed to hate each other” Connor protested, rubbing the scar of Evan’s name. “He hates me.” 

Connors mark was really itchy. Why? Speaking of questions-

“Where are we?” 

“This is the hospital wing of your school honey” Cynthia hummed. “Are you feeling okay?” 

“Itchy” Connor muttered, scratching the mark. 

The doort to Connor’s room opened and Larry came in with Zoe and Professor Xavier. 

“How are you feeling Connor” Charles asked. “Besides itchy.” 

“Better...I guess” Connor sighed. “Why is my arm so itchy?” 

“Probably because Evan is in Florida” Professor X shrugged. “Eternal bonds are different than regular ones.” 

“If we’re apart for long periods of time with a long distance” Connor recalled. “This is just peachy.” 

“Something tells me Evan is feeling the same discomfort as you” Charles chuckled.

**•~•**

Evan’s shoulder would not stop itching. They were at the beach, him Taylor and Alex, but Evan wasn’t enjoying the warm weather. How could he when his arm felt like it was covered in big bites. 

“Evan” Alex called. “Hungry?” 

“Sure” Evan smiled. “Thanks.” 

Evan hadn’t heard from Connor throughout the past four days, and it kinda hurt. Evan wasn’t one for making first contact, but he expected Connor to at least say that he didn’t want Evan to try. 

Evan was handed a sandwich as Taylor came back from the water. The three boys are in silence, Taylor poking lights in Evan’s face every few minutes. 

Sudenly, Evan just didn’t care anymore. It felt like a huge wave of depression had hit him. Evan didn’t want to eat anymore, his heart ached. Evan closed his eyes and saw a flash of the Murphy family and Jared running towards something before it went to black. 

“Are you okay Ev” Taylor asked. 

Evan couldn’t breathe. He was gasping for air, it felt like his lungs were crushed. His mark felt like it was on fire. Evan curled into a ball and tried to focus on breathing. 

“I-I need to get home” Evan gasped, looking towards his father. “Please.” 

“You’re right” Alex muttered. “Let’s go. Taylor, get packing.” 

Evan felt another jolt of pain hit him and he passed out cold. 

**•~•**

Two days after waking up was when he got his first visitors outside his family. Connor wasn’t to be let out of the school for fear of the extra taking over. Everyone knew that Connor and Evan had fought, but no one knew all the details.

“Connor Murphy” Jared greeted. 

Oh fuck. 

“Hey Kleinman.” 

“Your mom told me you were here when I visited your house” Jared explained. “She drove me here and is giving me a minute with you.” 

“Is there something you need Jared” Connor groaned. 

Connor barely blinked before Jared had Connor pinned against a wall. Holy fuck the dude was stronger than he looked. 

“You wanna tell me why my best friend showed up at my house, beat up and crying” Jared growled. “Why you would ever tell Evan that he’s broken?” 

“It was a heat of the moment thing” Connor squeaked. “I don’t think that.” 

“Evan went to Florida to get away from you” Jared spat. “He wasn’t supposed to go on that trip. You hurt him.” 

“I know” Connor whispered. “Why the fuck do you think I’m stuck in my school hospital over holiday break?” 

Jared let Connor go and paced the room. Connor sat back down on the hospital bed as the door opened. His family walked in and he smiled. Connor stood again to embrace his sister and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“Hey Jared” Zoe waved. 

“Hey Zoe.” 

Connor felt pain in his arm hit him so hard that he stumbled back. Everyone went to grab him and sat Connor back down. Connor’s arm hurt so bad he wanted to cry. 

“What’s happening to him” Cynthia whispered. 

Connor heard the rooms doors open again but he hurt so bad that he couldn’t focus. 

“Someone needs to call Evan” Larry’s voice muttered. 

“I’m on it” Jared replied. 

“The bond is being strained so much that it’s causing harm to them” Professor Xavier explained. 

“Evan’s unconscious” Jared announced. “I called his brother, he just passed out. They’re coming home.” 

“Jean, Scott” Charles called. “Take the jet to them. It’s faster.” 

“You guys have a jet” Zoe gasped. “And you can fly it?”

“Not now Zoe” Cynthia shushed. 

“Connor, you okay?” 

Connor only responded by passing out. He did this to them. He was the reason that Evan was hurting. 

**•**

Connor sat up with a start and hopped off his bed. 

“Connor” Cynthia jumped. 

Connor barely took notice of his mother. He could feel it. He ran over to the door and opened it. A second later a body collided with Connor’s and the teen felt whole again. 

“I’m sorry” Evan cried into Connor’s shoulder. 

Connor noticed that his eyes were blurred, oh...he was crying. Shit. Connor forced Evan to meet his eye.

“I love you” Connor sobbed. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hugs now, talk later” Evan hiccuped. 

Connor wasn’t big on crying, so his tears stopped sooner than Evan’s. Connor felt an urge to cheer up his soulmate. Connor saw Cynthia leave the room in the corner of his eye and silently thanked her. 

“Ev, please look at me.” 

Evan looked up and Connor noticed the small bruise on his jaw. His lip was obviously healing from being split open, but other than that he looked okay. 

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you” Connor sniffed, picking Evan up to walk him to the bed. “I don’t think you’re broken, I don’t think you’re a bad soulmate. I’m just an asshole.” 

Evan looked too tired to be saying anything. Connor smiled at the boy and it was returned. Evan was sat down on the bed and Connor went to the other side. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

That was Evan. Connor nodded and leaned forward. Evan’s lips met his and the itching finally subsided. They both let out a sigh of relief before looking at each other and laughing. 

“I love you” Evan whispered, pulling Connor back over to him. 

One thing Connor loved about being soulmates with Evan, was that whenever they kissed, even when it was only a quick peck before going to class, it always felt like it took ages. Every second was a minute and Evan always felt familiar but also somehow like it was new territory. Every time. Connor knew that kissing Evan wasn’t just a kiss, it was their bonded souls intertwining a bit more. A soul hug if you will. It had meaning behind it. 

“I love you too” Connor murmured, laying down. 

Evan was a little hesitant, but snuggled into Connor’s arms. Connor kept one hand wrapped around him and another in his hair. Evan needed to be held, wether he wanted it or not. The shorter boy yawned and Connor smiled. 

“Tired” Connor asked. 

“Mayhaps.” 

“I love you” Connor whispered. 

“I love you too Con” Evan mumbled. 

Connor dozed off and heard their headmasters voice enter his head. 

_“Rest now, when you wake we shall remove the extra. No one else needs to hurt anymore.”_


	13. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Alex is named after Alex Boniello and Taylor is named after Taylor Trensch))

**First**

Evan nuzzled closer to Connor. He had to be closer. He couldn’t let go. He was not losing  _his_ soulmate. Not ever. 

“Why are they acting like that?” A voice asked.

“The stretch of their bond needs time to heal,” another answered. “Usually through close physical contact. It would be wise to keep them together for a few days, as little separation as possible until the bond is healed.”

Evan opened his eyes and took in the sight of Connor sleeping next to him. He felt his heart pang. God, he couldn’t imagine being apart from him again. Evan laced their fingers together before sitting up. 

“What happened?” Evan mumbled, glancing around the room. 

His family had arrived, Taylor, Alex, and Heidi. Heidi was more towards the Murphy’s and Alex was talking to Professor Xavier quietly. Taylor was sitting on a chair with Jared, he was surprised one of them didn’t move, then again, they were both stubborn.

The Murphy’s were sitting on a couch excluding Zoe, who was leaning against the wall with her phone out. She was the first one to notice Evan. 

“Hey,” Zoe smiled, walking over. “You’re up.”

“How long was I out?” 

“Eh, only an hour or two. But it’s still scary.”

Connor wrapped his arms around Evan’s waist and pulled him down again. Evan picked his arms off and sat back up. Connor tried pulling Evan down again, so Evan took to their bond.

_• Wake up please._

Evan watched Connor’s eyes open and he smiled at Evan. God he had missed him. Connor sat up and the two leaned against each other. 

“Gay,” Jared snorted. 

“Jared, you’re gay,” Taylor chuckled. 

“...I almost said something I would regret.”

Evan rolled his eyes at their banter. The parents were finally making their way over. 

“How was Florida?” Heidi asked, running a hand through Evan’s hair. 

“Warm,” Evan hummed. “But I missed home.” 

“And you two made up?” Larry asked, planting a hand on Connor’s shoulder. 

“We’ve still gotta talk about a lot,” Connor mumbled. “But we’re good.”

 "And now the important part of today," Professor Xavier smiled. "Removing the extra."

 "Let's do this," the soulmates said.

 "Will it hurt them?" Alex asked, he was newer to the situation.

"Possibly," Charles sighed. "But whatever happens now will be worth it when they don't have to worry about the extra ever again. Connor, Evan, you are very lucky that the soulmate bond is going to be the most useful part of this. The scars need to connect."

Evan looked to Connor and they both stood up. Evan took off his sweater and revealed the tree printed shirt that Alex had given him as a late birthday present. Connor just pushed his sleeve up and pressed his forearm to Evan's shoulder. In a blink Evan didn't feel the same. Evan wasn't there anymore.

 "What the..." 

 Taylor was frozen.

 "He's both of them," Zoe whispered.

"Yet neither all at once," the new person said.

"So...it's Connor  _and_ Evan?" Taylor asked. 

 "Does that make him Kevin?" Jared asked. "Cause it's either Kevin or Evor. Or Everett, if you're feeling fancy."

 "Wonderful ship names Jare," Taylor snorted.

One eye was green, one blue with a splotch of brown. He was 5'10" and wore Connor's hoodie with Evan's shirt, and he just wore regular jeans. The hair was a mix between Evan's honey blond and Connor's mocha brown, surprisingly the hair was short like Evan's. He had Connor's face shape but had Evan's nose and a mix between Connor's thin lips and Evan's fuller lips. 

_~What is happening?_

_•I don't know_

"Kevin works," he decided.

"Alright, " Professor Xavier smiled. "Kevin, I need you to have Connor's part of your brain summon the extra, and Evan's part must hold it. The extra won't attack while in this state."

So Kevin grabbed hold of the black creature and looked to the teacher again.

"Family and friends, " Professor X smiled. "I would suggest you leave the room, not just for your safety but also for Kevin's."

Everyone left the room and Kevin held his grip on the extra.

"Now, split apart. And Evan must hold on tight."

Kevin nodded and went back to the two separate souls.

Evan held the extra tight in his arms and Connor started writhing in pain. Evan stared in shock as his soulmate acted as if he was being torn limb from limb.

"Make it stop!" Connor screamed.

"Evan, kill it!" Charles called.

Evan looked at the black ball fighting in his hands. It was almost worth his pity. How could such a small but of darkness hurt so much? It seemed too easy. Evan looked to Connor and met his eye before covering his hands with a poisonous moss and suffocating the black ball. Connor's cries lessened and Evan wilted the moss. All there was was dust.

Evan knelt beside Connor and smiled at him.

"That hurt," Connor whispered.

"But it's gone," Evan murmured. 

The family was let back in and both teens were wrapped up in hugs.

"Which one was screaming?" Jared asked.

"Jared!" Taylor hissed.

Evan just met Connor's eye and smiled.

**~•~**

Since Connor wasn't supposed to be separated from Evan, the parents agreed that Connor could spend the night with Evan. Everyone decided to just have dinner at the Hansen house, so at five o'clock Cynthia showed up with Larry, Zoe, Alana, and desert. Alex and Taylor had brought drinks, Jared brought a salad that one of his moms made, and Heidi had made steak for everyone.

"We need some tunes," Zoe declared after five minutes.

"On it!" Jared ran over to a speaker and hooked his phone up to it. A familiar song started playing.

"Jared!" Evan cried. 

"So you found a place where the grass is greener," Heidi sang. "And you jumped the fence to the other side. Is it good? Are they giving you a world I could never provide?"

Apparently Evan had inherited his pipes, Heidi was good at singing. Jared was handing Alana a sheet of paper from Evan's bag that he kept his sheet music in.

"Well I hope you're proud of your big decision," Heidi continued. "Yeah I hope that it's all that you want and more. Now you're free, from the agonizing life you were living before!"

Heidi nudged Evan's shoulder as she sang. Safe to say, Connor's parents, and Alex, were floored.

"And you say what you need to say, so that you get to walk away. It would kill you to have to stay trapped when you've got something new. Well I'm sorry you had it rough. And I'm sorry I'm not enough. Thank God they rescued you!"

Zoe was grinning ear to ear.

"So you got what you always wanted. So you got your dream come true. Good for you. Good for you, you, you. Got a taste of a life so perfect. So you did what you had to do. Good for you. Good for you!"

Alana was nudged forward by Jared, "Does is cross your mind to be slightly sorry?" she sang. "Do you even care that you might be wrong? Was it fun? Well I hope you had a blast while you dragged me along!"

"And you say what you need to say!" Jared belted behind her. "And you play who you need to play! And if somebody's in your way crush them and leave them behind!"

"Well I guess if I'm not of use," the two harmonized. "Go ahead you can cut me loose! Go ahead now I won't mind!"

"I'll shut my mouth and I'll let you go," Heidi jumped back in. "Is that good for you? Would that be good for you, you, you?"

"I'll just sit back while you run the show," Alana joined her. "Is that good for you? Would that be good for you, you, you?"

Connor heard Jared join them in repeating the words, but now Evan was standing, so he turned his focus to him.

"All I need is some time to think," Evan sang over the other three. "But the boat is about to sink. Can't erase what I wrote in ink. Tell me how could you change the story? All the words that I can't take back, like a train coming off the track. 'Cause the rails and my bones all crack! I've got to find a way to stop it, stop it! Just let me off!"

And then Evan ended off and let the other three finish the song.

 

"So you got what you always wanted, so you got your dream come true. Good for you! Good for you, you, you! Got a taste of a life so perfect now you say that you're someone new, good for you! Good for you!  Good for you! Good for you! So you got what you always wanted!"

Zoe gave a standing ovation and everyone else was clapping with dropped jaws.

"Who wrote that?" Alex asked. "I've never heard it before!"

"Evan did," Heidi chuckled, ruffling his hair.

"Yeah," Alana held up the paper she had been reading from. "It's all here."

"Evan, that was fantastic," Cynthia gushed. "I-I...I knew you did a bit but...wow!"

"It's just a hobby," Evan mumbled, sitting next to Connor. "I'm not that good."

"Hey, Ev?" Connor glanced at his boyfriend.

"Hmm?"

"Shut up. You're amazing."

"Okay."

"I got his guitar!" Jared shouted, running down the stairs. He handed it to Evan before plopping down next to Taylor.

"You guys should hear his first song," Taylor laughed. "It's great."

"He wrote a song about me," Zoe piped in.

"Me too," Heidi nodded.

"What's your first song called?" Larry asked.

"It's called Obvious," Evan mumbled, Connor could tell he was feeling awkward through the bond. "It...my vocal range doesn't work well with it, so I never recorded it. Taylor, he's heard me play it. He knows it."

"I'll sing if you play," Taylor shrugged.

"Need the papers?" Jared asked.

"N-No," Evan blushed, tuning the guitar quickly. "I, I know all my songs by heart. You guys really wanna hear it?"

Evan got a big round of yeses.

"I don't think I've heard it yet," Heidi smiled.

Evan stood up and Taylor walked over next to him. Evan started strumming and Taylor swayed a bit to the tune.

"When we know something is true beyond question or doubt," Taylor hummed. "There's no particular point in pointing it out. Blue is the color of sky, 'cause mothers all worry and old people die. A phone rings, a bee stings, it's something you don't need to hear. It's just clear."

Everyone was silent. Jared was physically leaning forward in his seat. It was a good song.

"Why go stating the obvious? It's so painfully obvious. How could you miss something that's this plain to see? When it's glaring, and staring right at you? So obviously."

"When you get bored you draw stars on the cuffs of your jeans." Connor eyed Zoe, she did that. "You still fill out the quizzes you find in those teen magazines. And you dance like nobody's there, awkward and perfect, you don't even care. Something courageous, amazing, contagious and kind. All combined."

"Why go stating the obvious? It's so painfully obvious. How could you miss something that's this plain to see? When it's glaring, and staring right at you? So obviously."

"Sometimes the words we tend to withhold. But they're exactly the words someone needs to be told. But oh, thinking they know. We never say I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you!"

"'Cause why go stating the obvious? It's so painfully obvious. How could you miss something that's this plain to see? When it's glaring, and staring right at you. So obviously."

Once again there was clapping. After that Heidi beckoned everyone to the dining room and the group started eating.

**•**

Everyone had left hours ago. Connor was currently curled up with Evan in the shorter boys room. Evan himself was asleep, and Connor was just admiring him. He heard his phone buzz with a text and he decided to check it.

 

_Zoe: GUesS whAt????_

_Connor: You got laid???_

_Zoe: Man I wish,,, NOpE! Guess AGaIn!_

_Connor: Bish, I've got no fucking clue._

_Zoe: He won._

_Connor: Wait..._

_Connor: like... **HE WON**? or just a different scheme?_

_Zoe: He won. It was just announced. Connor, I'm literally crying rn._

_Connor: omfg_

 

 

"Ev," Connor murmured. "You don't know it yet, but I literally couldn't be more proud of you right now. Even if you won't know for a while, I'm so proud of you.

 

_Zoe: r we gonna tell him yet?_

_Connor: No._

_Connor: Get the tickets first._

_Zoe: How many should I request? We aint paying for them._

_Connor: Umm...5_

_Connor: me, ev, heidi, alex, taylor._

_Connor: WAiT! 6_

_Connor: Jared too._

_Zoe: On it._

_Connor: lov u zo. thanks for setting this up for him._

_Zoe: no problem. ily2. also, may i remind you, you r the 1 who gave me the file._

_Connor: Shhhhhh! no 1 needs 2 know. itll b good 4 him_

_Zoe: ik. night bro._

_Connor: night. Still cant believe he won._

_Zoe: believe it!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)  
> imma scheming!


	14. Won

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I fell out of rhythm with this story for a while, but I'm back in now.

**Won**

 

Evan spent the remainder of his holiday break attached to Connor's hip. They tried to stay away from each other, so they could see how long they would last without each other, but it wasn't long. A half hour at best.

"Evan, I love you. I really do. But this is ridiculous." Connor was trying to subside the itching in his arm. They had managed being in their own homes, apart, for thirty-two minutes before the itching came back. Then Connor flew over to Evan's and carried his soulmate back. Evan officially hated being in the air.

"Maybe Kevin can help?" Evan tried. "I mean, you can't get any closer than physically woven together, or whatever the hell happens to us."

"Well, I mean, there are  _other_ options," Connor smirked. "But, I like your idea for now."

Evan got what Connor was referencing and he shoved him lightly. Then it hit him, he had never thought about having sex with Connor before. Ever.

"Me too," Connor chuckled, reading Evan's emotions.

They shared enough already with the bond and everything, but now they were practically reading each others minds. Not actual thoughts, but there was more understanding behind each emotion. It wasn't just Evan feeling anxious, it was Evan feeling anxious because he's thirty-five feet in the fucking air he wants to be put down now Connor!

Evan pulled his sleeve down, "Let's do it," he smiled.

Connor rolled his up. Evan sat on Connor's thighs and then proceeded to lay on top of him, so they weren't reaching awkwardly to touch the marks together. In a blink Kevin was back.

"Connor, Evan," Larry called. "Cynthia made lunch...why? Why are you Kevin right now?"

"Connor and Evan thought that this might help the healing process with the souls so they can be apart more," Kevin explained. "So now I'm here and there are two phones in my pocket."

Kevin pulled out the phones and set them on the night stand. He stood and walked down the stairs. Cynthia was surprised to say the least, as was Zoe, but no one asked questions. After lunch, they all piled in the car to take Kevin back to school. Once they arrived, Cynthia asked for Connor and Evan separately. So, Kevin went away, and Evan fell on the ground and Connor stumbled back.

"Note to self," Connor mumbled. "Stand when we want Kevin."

"Duly noted," Evan muttered, brushing himself off.

Evan waved to the Murphy family and grabbed his bag before walking back into the dorm building. He would let Connor say goodbye to his family alone.

"Evan!" Taylor's voice cried.

Evan smiled and greeted his brother with a hug. "Hey!"

Taylor's dorm room was on the floor below Evan's. That floor didn't have roommates, but there were public showers on that floor, unlike on Evan's where they had a full bathroom for each room. Evan preferred his floor.

"I...I wanted to talk to you," Taylor mumbled. "Are you free?"

Evan nodded and he was pulled to his brothers room.

"Are you okay?" Evan asked, sitting in the desk chair.

"Yeah...I just, I'm nervous."

"I'm your brother, you can always trust me Taylor," Evan assured.

"Okay,"Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm...Jesus, I'm pan. And I only told one other person so far."

"Hey, that's cool," Evan smiled. "Discovering yourself is important. I'm glad you told me."

Taylor nodded, and Evan hugged his brother again before leaving.

Evan walked up to his room and flopped down on the bed. He had things to unpack but he just wanted to sit for a bit.

"Babe!" Connor cried, running into the room. "I thought you vanished on me!"

"Nope," Evan laughed, looking up at Connor. "Just sitting."

"Sounds nice," Connor hummed, laying on top of Evan.

"Ugh, I hate you," Evan growled, unable to suppress his smile.

"Love you too," Connor hummed, pecking Evan's cheek.

"I really love you, get out loved."

"I love you most, get double out loved."

Evan shoved Connor off of him and onto the floor, "I cannot be out loved!"

"Fuck, you take love seriously," Connor grunted.

"Yes. I. Do."

Evan watched Connor get back up and sit next to him on the bed.

"What do you want for dinner?" Connor asked.

Evan flopped into Connor's lap, "Pizza."

Connor moved Evan over and stood up, "I'll go get it, so it's cool enough when we want to eat."

"Okay," Evan hummed. "I'm gonna go for a walk, see if the distance helps us."

Connor pecked Evan's lips before leaving the room. Evan walked out a minute later. He felt his anxiety pick up, as people kept giving him glances. It wasn't his imagination this time. He was sure of it.

"Congrats Ev," Brooke called as she passed.

Congrats on what? Evan kept walking and stopped in the courtyard. Christine caught sight of him and ran over.

"Evan!" she screamed. "I had no idea that you could sing!"

"What do you mean?" Evan whispered. "I've never sang in front of you."

"Uh, you won a contest? Hello, you get to sing on stage in New York next month, have you no memory?"

"What..."

"Waving Through a Window? It's an amazing song."

Evan shifted on his feet. What the fuck?

"Uh, thanks...I've gotta go."

Evan turned on his heel and walked back to his dorm. What had happened? How had his song gotten out? Who? The only people that had access to the songs were Connor, his mother, and Jared. Evan could feel the panic building. He sat on his bed and curled into a ball. What had happened?

"Evan!" Connor burst through the door. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"My songs got out!"

"What?"

"People. Have. My. Song."

"Honey...is...what's wrong with that?"

"It's my life, my emotional baggage!"

"Babe...I...I did it. I gave Zoe the music file and we entered you in a contest."

"Why!"

"...I thought that you deserved it. To...be seen for more than your anxiety. I'm sorry, I thought it would make you happy."

Evan grabbed Connor's hand, "Sometimes I hate you."

Connor nodded, "I'm sorry."

"Connor, I still have to do this, don't I?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Give me the details."

"One song, maybe two, small stage group, it's a fundraising event. But, if you do this, they'll pay for you to make an album."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

Evan ran his hands through Connor's hair. He was mad, but it was hard to stay that way with Connor.

"I won't do anything like that again," Connor assured.

 "What else have you done?"

Evan just watched him think.

"Oh, Zoe dubbed herself your manager and she made me make you an Instagram account. You've got a nice following."

"That's why she was filming me!"

Connor nodded. "Ev, I'm sorry."

"You were trying to be nice, I can't stay mad at you. Especially with the our bond being a clingy bitch right now."

"We shouldn't judge our souls wanting to stay together," Connor murmured. "The good news is that we share a lunch hour and a few classes, we should be able to handle our separation in doses."

"Yeah," Evan decided to lay back on his bed, all of the anger he had vanishing. "You got the pizza, right?"

Connor pointed towards the door of their room, the pizza was a few feet away, laying on the floor.

"At least it's in a box," Evan sighed. "I love you Connor."

"Love you more."

"We are  _not_ having that discussion again! You are out loved, suck it up!"

Connor nodded and got up. He picked their dinner off the floor and set it on his desk for safer measures. Evan grabbed the bag that held all his music stuff, notebooks, blanks staffs, older song lyrics and sheet music, ect. and he grabbed his blue pick. He didn't like the green one as much. He found some newer lyrics he was working on and went grabbed a pencil to start scribbling again.

"Ev, I have to take pictures of you working, Zoe's orders."

Evan felt himself go red, but didn't protest. This would be for the best. Well, it also was a big deal to Evan that he was re-writing a few of his songs to be solos instead of group songs. But now he wanted to focus on the new song, the whole extra thing had inspired him. Kind of.

Evan started mumbling as he tried to piece his words together. Once he had a chorus down he usually was able to write the actual music for the song. He had a few experimental chords he wanted to try out.So, eventually the guitar was pulled out and Evan started strumming quietly and mumbling his lyrics.

"And here we have the famous Evan Hansen in his natural habitat," Connor said with a fake Australian accent.

"I don't have a natural habitat," Evan snorted, not looking up. Then Evan realized Connor was filming him and he stopped playing to cover his face.

"Okay, sorry, no more filming," Connor chuckled.

Evan pulled the pillow away from his face, "Thanks."

Connor walked across the room and kissed Evan quickly, "You're welcome."

Evan went back to playing, but he played a little louder. It helped him hear the notes clearer.

"No one deserves to be forgotten," Evan sang softly. "No one deserves to fade away. No one should flicker out or have any doubt that it matters that they are here."

"My soulmate has a voice of an angel!"

"What do you sound like?" Evan asked, scribbling more words down.

"Uh, death."

Evan gave him a look, "Prove it."

"I'm not singing."

"Do it," Evan pushed. "I'll sing with you."

Connor caved and walked over. Evan handed him the notebook page with the words.

"I'll start," Evan assured. "That way you get the tune."

Evan started strumming and went to the first line.

"No one deserves to be forgotten," Evan sang, glancing back and forth from his hasty first verse lines to Connor. "No one deserves to fade away."

"...I can't sing that Ev."

Evan stopped playing. "Yes you can!"

"I cannot."

"Alright, then I'll call Jared and all three of us are gonna write a song right now."

"Ev..."

Evan ignored Connor and Face-Timed Jared.

"Yo," Jared greeted.

"Remember how I said we'd write a song together?" Evan asked.

"Yeah..."

"We're doing it now, with Connor's help."

Evan found an audio file and played the blank music. No words. It took a bit, but they all got into the writing process. Jared kept trying to make jokes though, which was ruining it.

"Why would you say that!" Evan cried.

Jared went into a fit of giggles, "I'm just trying to tell the truth."

"No, if you aren't going to take this seriously then-"

"Okay, you need to  _calm_ yourself."

"No, the lyrics have to be realistic, you can't make stuff up!"

"There's nothing  _unrealistic_ about the love that one man feels for another!"

"I know that Jared, but that's not okay, go back and try again."

"In fact, I'd say there's something quite beautiful about-"

"GO BACK JARED!"

And when Connor tried writing Jared didn't exactly give motivational commentary.

"Hard?" Connor tried.

_"Hard?"_

"Bad," Connor corrected.

_"Bad?"_

"Rough!" Connor cried.

"Kinky!"

"Shut up Jared," Evan hissed. "Keep going Connor."

"Uhh...And I miss talking about life...and...other stuff?"

"Oh, that's very specific," Jared snorted.

"Shut up!"

"...I like my...parents."

"Who says that?"

"I love my parents!"

"Connor, you're doing great, ignore him."

Connor made Evan take over since he was done with Jared laughing for now. Evan scribbled a little bit and smiled at his line.

"Okay, so I added to Connor's line," Evan said. "I like my parents, but each day's another fight. If I stop smoking drugs then everything might be alright."

"Smoking drugs?" Connor and Jared laughed.

"Just fix it!" Evan cried.

"This isn't realistic at all," Jared grumbled.

"I am trying to inspire Connor here, don't judge."

"Oh my  _god!"_ None the less, Jared did continue, "If I stop smoking  _crack_."

"Crack!" Connor cried.

"If I stop smoking pot," Jared grumbled.

Once they finished the verse and made a chorus Jared was falling asleep on them.

"Are we done yet?"

"No, you can't just have one verse. Songs have two or more verses."

"Dude, do you need a paper bag? You're getting really worked up about this."

"No, I don't need a paper bag."

"You're hyperventilating."

"I am not hyperventilating."

"You seem to be having a considerable trouble breathing."

"He has no trouble breathing," Connor announced. "Night Jared."

Connor hung up the call and looked at the notebook. Evan had scribbled every word they had said.

"I'll write up the final copy of the first verse from there," Evan explained. "I actually think we should keep the banter."

"You do you babe," Connor sighed. "I'm eating my pizza."

"Right. Hand me a slice, will ya?"

The two sat across from each other, smiling.

"You're gonna be able to handle New York?"

"As long as you're with me, everything will be fine," Evan decided. "I think you made the right choice, I'm just scared."

"I love you Ev."

"Love you too Con."

**•~•**

Connor woke up floating in the air and Evan in his arms. What the fuck powers?

"Ev," Connor grumbled. "C'mon, we'll be late if we don't get up."

 Evan opened his eyes and nearly fell to the floor.

_"Putmedownputmedownputmedown!"_

Connor lowered his body to the floor and Evan got up.

"Thank you."

Connor grunted and got up himself. Evan was already in the bathroom to change, and Connor ended up crawling back to his bed and dozing off again.

"Connor," Evan hummed. "C'mon."

Connor wasn't sure how, but Evan managed to get him ready for class. They were about to leave when Connor had another thought.

"Ev, take my jacket," Connor said, handing the hoodie to his boyfriend.

"Why?"

Connor grabbed one of Evan's hoodies and threw it on, "Maybe if we wear something that belongs to the other it'll help us be apart longer?"

Evan smiled and slipped Connor's jacket on, "Alright, c'mon, we've gotta go."

As they split off for class Connor turned to Evan and kissed him quickly, "Love you."

"Love you more!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it took me months but I did it!


End file.
